May 2, 2012


Funny how something so simple can both thrill and terrify me.
I'm so used to being treated in a very specific way by men,
it's a shock when I'm regarded any differently.
With this man, another first.....

A friend with benefits
. The true benefit being actual friendship!

I think I may not hate this developement.

May 20, 2007


I cut off my hair
Put some red on every nail on my feet
I think its pretty
I repainted all the rooms
Got a cat that i named June, obviously
I think she's happy
Friends threw some parties
I've been to them all, there's not one that i missed

And i've tried to spend my time with somebody new
But everyone
Still reminds me of you
And tried to play some songs that change my point of view
But every sound
Still reminds me of you!

I've done some walking
Listen to the people talk on the street
I dont feel lonely
I saw some movies
But your face kept coming back on the screen
I think im crazy
Can't make decisions
I could use some more distractions today

And i've tried to spend my time with somebody new
But everyone
Still reminds me of you
And i tried to play some songs that change my point of view
But every sound
Still reminds me of you

I wonder where did i go wrong? what made you gone?
How i hate to feel alone

I've tried to spen my timewith somebody new
But everyone
Still reminds me of you!
And i tried to playsome songs that change my point of view
But every sound
Still reminds me of you!!!!
Still reminds me ........

Meanings of names starting with different alphabets.


Does your name begin with: A.
U are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action.You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get.You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up-front person. You often don't get hints & you ever pass any. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is! intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important for you. You tend to be very Practical, & not very emotional Your choices are very good & can only lead to trouble. You are very self satisfied & egoistic.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: B
You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your expression of endearments, and particular when it comes to love. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite & feelings. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: C
You are a very social individual, and it i s important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good-looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sensual, Needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to hold out on affection until you receive this.. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: D
Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full Steam ahead in your suit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement's, sometimes possessive and jealous. You are very sharp & talented often with sense of humour. When people bother to look deep inside they cannot resist what they see. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a free and open attitude. You get jealous of other people and lose your temper .

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: E
Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while-it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important. But once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. You will fall asleep with a good book. sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book to a lover)

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: F
You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are a born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are a favourite fantasy past time. You can be a very generous lover.

___________________________________________________________ Does your name begin with: G
You are fastidious, seeking perfection within yourself and your lover. You respond to a lover who i s yourintellectual equal or superior, and one who can enhance your status. You are sensuous and know how to reach the peak of stimulation, because you work at it meticulously. You can be extremely active-never tiring out. Your duties and responsibilities take precedence over everything else. You may have difficulty getting emotionally close to people.

___________________________________________________________ Does your name begin with: H
You seek a mate who can enhance your zest for life ,fun & everything You seek for. You will be very generous to your lover once you have Attained a commitment. You are very affectionate & very strong. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though, you tend to be very careful with your every move and equally cautious in your involvement's often as you believe that you have to look out fo r yourself. You are a sensual and patient lover. You will hold off till everything meets your full approval. You are a perfectionist, hard to satisfy and strong in your beliefs. Not influential, you always stand your ground. People can always count on you to stand by them in a crisis. You are a dreamer with/ a passion for life.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: I
You have a great need to be loved, appreciated... even worshiped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You like necking spend hours just touching feeling & exploring. You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your de sires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of expression. You bore easily and thus require adventure and change. Your commitments don't last very long & you often tend to stray. Loyalty is not one of your strong points. You are more sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: J
You are blessed with a great deal of physical energy. When used for a good cause there is nothing to stop you, except maybe that they aren't always used for the good. (you could dance all night.) You respond to the thrill of the chase and the challenge of the mating game.You can carry on great romances in your head. At heart you are a roamer and need to set out on your own every so often. You will carry on long- distance relation ships with ease. You are idealistic and need to believe in love. You have a need to be nurtured deep within.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: K
You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along. You are very generous & giving, often selfless. You are kind-natured & sweet, which is found to be attractive by many. You are a good friend.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: L
You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. "You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated ".

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: M
You may appear innocent, unassuming and shy; but we know that Appearances can lie. When it comes to sex, you are no novice but something of a skilled technician. You can easily go to extremes, though, running the gamut from insatiability to boredom with the whole idea of love. You can be highly critical of you mate, seeking perfection in both of you. It is not easy to find someone who can meet your standards. You have difficulty expressing emotions and drawing close to lovers. You are often selfish, thinking you are always right no matter what. You never give in. Winning is your prime desire- at any cost. You often forget friends and family and you live for the moment.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: N
You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you Throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all-consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You believe in total freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of energy is inexhaustible. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You also enjoy mothering your mate. You often have the greatest love affairs all by yourself, in your head. You are very imaginative.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: O
You are very interested in fun activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your energy into making money and/or seeking we. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate lover, requ iring the same qualities From your mate. Love is serious business; thus you demand intensity, diversity and is willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: P
You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of Doing anything that might harm your image or Reputation. Appearances count. Therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy...a good fight stimulates those vibes. You are relatively free of hang- ups.You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things.You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: Q
You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people because of their ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and conversation to turn you on and keep you going.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: R
You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal-the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is not very important to you. You have to be proved to be worthy for a partner. You have a need to prove yourself the best. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating & romantic.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: S
For you, it is pleasure before business. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and is capable of much sensuality. But you never loose control of your emotions. Once you make the commitment you stick like glue. You could get jealous and possessive. You tend to be very selfish often regarding yourself as the only human being on the planet.. You like being the centre of attention. You are very caring sensitive, private & sometimes very passive. Turned on by soft lights, romantic thoughts. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role, or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the rightperson to come along. You are very generous & giving, often selfless. You are kind nature & sweet which is found to be attractive by many. You are a good friend. -

-------------------------------- Does your name begin with: T
You are very sensitive, private & sometimes very passive. You like someone who takes the lead. You get turned on by music, soft lights & romantic thoughts. You fantasize & tend to fall in & out of love soon. When in love you are romantic, idealistic, mushy & extremely. You enjoy havin g your senses & your feelings stimulated, titillated & teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, all in your own head. Once you put your mind to something you manage to stand by it and see your dreams through. You aren't very good at expressing your feelings. You like things your own way. You do not like change, you like to hold on to things. This may not always be good because if given an opportunity things may develop into great things. You work your way to the top. Attention must be given to what others say because even though you don't want to hear it their advice may turn out to save your life. !

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: U
You are enthusiastic & at your happiest when in love. When not in love you're in love with love and always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as challenge. You are a roamer & needs adventure, excitement freedom. You enjoy giving gifts & looking good. You are willing to put others feelings above yours.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: V
You are individualistic & you need freedom, space & excitement. You wait till you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means psyching her/him out. You feel a need to get into his/her head to see what makes him tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. You believe that age is no barrier. You are good at responding to danger, fear & suspense.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: W
You are very proud, determined & refuses to take no for an answer when it come to love. Your ego is at stake all the time. You are romantic, idealistic, often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner for who she or he really is. You feel deeply about love & tends to throw all of your self into a relationship. Nothing is too good for your lover. You like playing love games.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: X
You need constant stimulation because you get bored quickly. You can handle more than 1 relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You can do 2 things at once. You are very talented.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: Y
You are sensual & very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forget the whole thing. You want to control your relationships which doesn't work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation. However if you can make money you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You have a need to prove yourself the best. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating & romantic.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: Z
You are very romantic but show feels that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate & attracting people who have u nusual trouble. You see yourself as a lover's saviour.

Whats worth more in life?

I still go with the age old saying..." Money definatly cannot buy happiness"!
Its only a means... ofcourse with money u can do alot for the poor an needy also, as everything in life comes with a pice tag! But....ultimatly what counts is .....are material things responsible for true happiness or...its just something which elivates your mood for sometime; yet if you are not truelly one with yourself, and will always be matter how much wealth they equire! Happiness is a state of mind; which can come when we have the wisdome and knowledge ;that money will come and go and flow like today ,gone tomarrow....! WE are first all souls undearneath our humanly body and exterier......and try to look and search for happiness in monetary gains , or in the outside mundane world...whereas...if we search deepwithin....go indepth.....really deep we will find...there is alot of Bliss...we ARE actually bliss and full of energy/lifesource...yet we get bogged the superficial.....mundane world!

My feeling is that it's all about money only until you have a considerable amount of money..but once you have an impressive is really not the most important thing to you anymore..
Some prosperous people go for fame some go for power..but i wonder if they are still satisfied..

I feel like satisfaction is worth the most in gotta be satisfied at some point or else life is just worthless...
And the age old saying holds very true here i guess 'money really cannot buy happiness'!

Have you ever seen the rich and famous celebritites...for example how they try to mask their emotions, and how fake lifestyles they live?
How they put layers upon layers of makingup to hide.......their real self?
How they try to hide the puffiness in their eyes, coz they were probably partying and drinking all night long and didnt catch much sleep....!

How everything becomes fake in their lives....from trying to put on a fake smile, to having fake friends, to....and so on and so forth the list can go on and on...

I actually feel sorry for them because.....they are the most insecure of people....not knowing whome to trust and when; as they must be constantly he for my money or for me?
Hence when it all becomes too much for them they take to drungs, alcohol, smoking, and many other different life destabelizing things!

They most be the most miserable and lonely sorts.....not having anything real in their life; their private lives constantly bombarded with media attention etc.

Thats why although when young i used to be a prick but i have stopped judging people anymore; coz God forbid if we were in their shoes....we would know what it felt like!

May 18, 2007

"It takes so many years",
as Eliot said,
So many years of inner strain and sweat,
"To learn that one is dead".


Your eyes are lovely, dark and deep,
But passion's alps are very steep,
And all my dreams are fast asleep,
And all my dreams are fast asleep.

May 16, 2007


Deep within my hungry soul

raged a tormented beast

Who yearned for freedom,

wings to fly;

its moaning never ceased.

In darkest hours of sullen nights

as shrouded as the dead,

Tears sprang up from my fragile wounds

and drowned me in my bed.

I cried out in vain.

The beast won again.

A fingertip 'pon dampened cheek roused me,

one night, from dream.

Although I feared another in my world,

I did not scream

But rather gazed into these eyes

that drew me to a sea

Embellished with angelic song.

With wings spread,

I was free.

The beast made no sound.

All sorrows had drowned.

Some kind of angel was this man

who freed me from torment.

My wings alighted '

pon a blissful breeze

his Love had sent.

No dread, no night, could haunt me now;

I'd banished Loneliness;

All thoughts of fear,

sad memories, now paled beside his kiss.

Entwined within my lover's arms

I no longer fear the night.

He's given me the wind;

he's opened up the cage.

I've taken flight.

From high above majestic oaks,

the world's a lonely place.

But all the hope I'll ever need rests

in my lover's face.

This Stranger crossed my path one day...


How can a man know what a woman's life is?
A woman's life is quite different from a man's.
God has ordered it so.
A man is the same from the time of circumcision to the time of his withering.
He is the same before he has sought out a woman for the first time,
and afterwards.
But the day a woman enjoys her first love cuts her in two.
She becomes another woman on that day,
The man is the same after his first love as he was before.
The woman is from the first day of her first love another.
That continues all through life.
The man spends a night by a woman and goes away.
His life and body are always the same.
The woman conceives.
As a mother she is another person than the woman without a child.
She carries the fruit of her womb for nine long months in her body.
Something grows.
Something grows into her life that never again departs from it.
She is a mother.
She is and remains a mother even though her child dies,
though all her children die.
For at one time she carried the child under her heart.
And it does not go out of her heart ever again.
Not even when it is dead.
All this the man does not know;
he knows nothing!

"Whenever I hear old chronicles of love,
it's age old pain,
It's ancient tale of being apart or together."

How to Handle an Emotional Attack

Psycis says:
"One of the most painful experiences a person can have is being emotionally attacked.
First of all, it is important to recognize this for what it is.
Being punched in the nose is obvious - we know we have been attacked.

With emotions, it is more subtle and more painful."
And it leaves us with a lot of questions.
When is it an emotional attack?
Do you feel sick to your stomach? Is your heart beating fast? Are you shaky or uncomfortable?
Your body's reaction is the first sign that you've been emotionally attacked.

Mystic says,
"Listen to your body. Whether it is a coworker, stranger, a relative or your own marriage partner, the feeling is the same - discomfort.
Even if the words are seemingly helpful and kind, an emotional attack is an attempt to take away your power and it will not feel good.
The moment you feel these inexplicable and unwelcome feelings, listen to them.

"Why does it hurt?An emotional attack usually takes us by surprise and comes from someone we have trusted (which is why it is so powerful).

Like a physical attack, an emotional attack can occur in the heat of the moment or it can be premeditated.
It leaves an emotional wound that can take many weeks, months and even years to heal.
Deal and heal Mystic says,
"Distance yourself from the situation and person. Reflect on what is going on, and most importantly do not ever doubt yourself."
More often than not, you will want to work out why you have been emotionally attacked to see if there was something you may have done to deserve this abuse.

Stop right there!

No one deserves to be emotionally attacked.
If you trust your intuition about being wronged, it's the first step toward healing.
Do I confront them?
After you have had time to reflect on what is going on,
Mystic says,
"Address the person directing this energy towards you. If they deny it or tell you it's in your head,
know that this is a defense mechanism they are using.
If a person cares for you,
they will apologize for making you feel bad and they will not do it again!"

If they do not apologize, this may be someone you don't want in your life.
I still feel bad!
An emotional attack can result in feelings of heartbreak, betrayal and sadness, which can take a very long time to fade.
After it happens, it can sometimes be hard to trust people again!
If the attack has resulted in the severing of a relationship (platonic or romantic), you may go through all the feelings of a break-up.
Give yourself time to heal.

Part of loving and offering your friendship to others can also open you to emotional attack by those who are unworthy of you.
As we go through life, we become more adept at discerning, but not immune to, those who may abuse our trust.
The only safeguard is to honor the self.
As Mystic says,
"When we truly honor ourselves, we are safe from emotional attacks. Meditating on this truth and integrating this mantra into our being is our own inner safeguard, protection and natural right as a human being."

Distance yourself emotionally....
"If you are emotionally attacked, try to remain as calm as possible by staying centered emotionally,"
psychics advises.
"It may help to try and distance yourself emotionally and realize that when someone is attacking you emotionally,
the issue is often times more about the other person than you.
In other words, the other party may be having a bad day or have insecurities about themselves that they are projecting onto you.
If you can look at them as people who are reacting from their own emotional baggage, then it will not have as big of an effect on you and maybe no effect at all."

May 5, 2007






















May 3, 2007


My soul stood up today and said:
Your heart is full of sorrow.

I know, I said,
Joy left me yesterday and said
She will be back tomorrow.

It seems to be the fate of man to seek all his consolations in futurity. The time present is seldom able to fill desire or imagination with immediate enjoyment, and we are forced to supply its deficiencies by recollection or anticipation.

~ Samuel Johnson (1709-1784


Within my cave at night I sit
And light the lantern of my wit
To cogitate upon my ways
And solve the riddles of my days.

Beneath the cave a casket lies,
With precious hopes and dreams inside.

To dig it out, one needs the zeal
One used to have when life was real.

Carnation fragrance
amid the ruins calms her
but sadness remains

In her cloudless eyes
the radiance of resistance
enduringly glows

Constantly searching

Despite The Bleakness
For things of beauty

constantly am I searching

despite the bleakness

April 19, 2007


As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.

You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

How unfair!?

Isn't life so unfair? You turn out to love someone who could not love you just the same, but still you continue loving because you hope things will end up fine, but it wouldn't. You cry, you feel bad, you end up broken. You want to hurt that person but by doing so you hurt yourself more! Still that person doesn't care...

Why does love exist? to make us happy for a minute or to hurt us for the rest of our life? Funny it is to realize that before it ends, you'll find yourself thinking that you still want to return to whom your heart belongs.

((Song in Hindi))


Na janekyun hota hai ye zindagi ke sath

Achanak ye mann, kisi ke jane ke baad

kare phir uski yaad,

choti-choti si baat..

Na jane kyun....{2}

Jho anjaan pal,dhal gaye kal

Aaj woh, rang badal -badal,

mann ko machal-machal

rahe hai chal,

Na jane kyun......

woh anjaan pal....

Saje bina mere nayeno mein,

Toote re hai re sapno ke mahal

Na jane kyun.....

Wohi hai dagar,wohi hai safar,

magar hai nahi,

saath hai nahi abb mera humsafar,

dhondhe nazar idhar -udhar

Wohi hai dagar.......

Kahan gayi shaame,

madbhari....woh mere din gaye kidhar?

Na jane kyun...hota hai ye zindagi ke saath,

Achaanak ye mann,

kisis ke jane ke baad kare phir uski yaad,

choti-choti si baat...

Na jane kyun....????

April 14, 2007


When i must leave you

for a while,

Please do not grieve

and shed wild tears

And hug your sorrow

to you through the years,

But start out bravely

with a gallant smile;

And for my sake

and in my name

Live on and do

all things the same,

Feed not your loneliness

on empty days,

But fill each waking hour

in useful ways,

Reach out your hand

in comfort and in cheer

And i in turn will comfort you

and hold you near;

And never, never

be afraid to die,

For i am waiting

for you in the sky!

Everyone NeedsSomeone!

People need people
andfriends need friends,
and we all ned love
For a full life depends
not on vast riches
or a great acclaim,

Not on success
or a wordly fame,
But just in knowing
that someone cares
and holds us close
in their thoughts and prayers-

For only the knowledge
that we're understood
Makes everyday living
feel wonderfully good,
And we rob ourseelves
of life's greatest need

When we' lockup our hearts'
and fail to heed
The outstretched hand
reaching to find
A kindered spirit
whose heart and mind
are lovely and longing
to somehow share
our joys and sorrows
and to make us aware

That life's completeness
and richness depends
On things we share
with our loved ones and friends.

"Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime"

Sequencer Unknown Recorded by Dean Martin


"Sometimes, to do what's RIGHT,

we have to be ready and give up

the thing we want the most...

even our dreams."

April 13, 2007


"Life is a series of pulls back and forth.
You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else.
Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't.
You take certain things for granted,
even when you know you should never take anything for granted."

"A tension of opposites.
And most of us live somewhere in the middle."
"Which side wins?"

"Love wins. Love always wins."

Reading these phrases somehow reminds me of the time when I was still wearing a mask. Trying hard to be somebody that I am not just to please people around me, to meet their expectations, to do things that they perceive ‘right’ for me, to be what they think everybody should be doing. At times, I would have to laugh at jokes I don’t think funny at all just because other people laugh. I would have to smile when they are making funny or cynical comments on people like me, yet deep inside my heart was hurt.
Had their expectations of me were the same as my own expectations, things would’ve been much easier. But this is life, it is not supposed to be easy.
I was so tired of doing what majority ‘herd’ do just as to be regarded as part of the group. There were moments when I wanted to cry out loud what was really inside my heart, what I really think and my idealism, yet I failed to do so because I was afraid to be rejected, afraid that I would hurt the people I love. In a way, I have let others dictated me how I should lead my life.
You can imagine how stressful life was back then: living in denials, leading a double-standard life, telling lies to people around you, and worse… to yourself. There were times when I tried hard to believe that what is good for others is also good for me. But my heart struggled and ached.
It’s like stepping on two boats at the same time. As time goes by, these two boats were drifting apart… further and further. If I didn’t want to get drowned, I had to decide quickly which boat I choose step on with my two feet: the crowded large and comfortable boat sailing along the river flow or the lonely small boat sailing against the river flow.
Most of the time, I would use my logic in making decisions. But this is about my life, so I followed my heart. I regarded living unhappy everyday is just as well as dying. Thus, instead of taking the major path our society has set, I walked my own path. I know that life will not be easy here and the end of the path is still unknown, but at least this is what I choose and most importantly I am happy doing it.
Taking off my mask now I see more clearly those who actually love me for who I really am, and those who used to love me for my mask.
Well, should I leave my trails for others to follow? I can’t promise anything beautiful at the end of my path. I personally still don’t know what’s lying ahead. But sometimes we worry too much on what is ‘in-the-end’, that we forget to enjoy the process of “getting-there”. So, I’ll just enjoy what’s ahead and already in front of me… Live for today, live for the present…

Watching The Same Stars

At times, I would feel so lonely and apart from you,

Thinking you were so far away out of my reach,

But when I looked at the stars glittering in my balcony sky,

A wide smile would bridge these two favourite cheeks of yours,

Because I know we are actually not that far apart,

Because it is the same sky we are still sleeping under,

Because at that moment we are watching the same stars,

Miss you...

Panic Attack

I sometimes have what I called as “Lonely Panic Attack”.
It’s a condition that hits me usually when I am on my own and have no activities to do.
I panic and feeling so lonely and empty inside (despite the number of great friends and supportive family members around me)…
feeling needy for the presence of that special person to fill the empty space in the heart…
desperate to love and to be loved…
In times like this, I would then re-evaluate again the path of life I’ve been living, and start re-considering any necessary changes to make my life better.
I’ve also seen examples from people around me, how harsh this “Lonely Panic Attack” can be.
It makes people on bending their criteria and re-writing their “Must Haves lists” in searching for the RIGHT partner.
People become more compromising to the attributes of their potential partners, and forming an attitude of “it’s better than nothing” or “rather than end up being ALONE for the rest of my life”.
Well, I’m not saying that it is wrong to settle for less.
After all, there are no such things as a “Perfect Partner” in life, there is only the RIGHT partner.

I once read a saying that said : “Instead of looking for a perfect person to love, one should learn to love the imperfect person perfectly.”

But then again, we should ask ourselves when we have the so-called Lonely Panic Attack: Are we really that needy / desperate?
To what extent should we compromise?
Why did we create our criteria or Must Haves list in the first place?
Aren’t they supposed to be our guidelines in searching for the RIGHT partner?



Bholi hui yaadon, mujhe itna na satao..
Abb chain se rehne do mere paas na aao..
Bhuli hui yaadon.......[2]

Daman mein liye baithi hoon,
Toote hue tare, toote hue tare[2]
Kabtak mai jeeyungi yuhi khwabon ke sahare [2]
Deewani hoon, abb aur na deewani banao...
Abb chain se rehne do, mere paas na aao...
Bhuli hui yaadon.....

Looto na mujhe iss tareh dau rahe pe lake..
daurahe pe lake...[2]
Aawaz na do, ek nairah dikhake [2]
Sambhalti hoon mai gir gir ke mujhe
Phir na girao...[2]
Abb chain se rehne do,
Mere paas na aao...

Bhooli hui yaadon, mujhe itna na satao
Abb chain se rehne do , mere paas na aao...
Bhooli hui yaadon......

Serinity prayer..

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things
I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

"Exactly.. I've been worrying a LOT on things that I can't change.. never really realized it before.. "

April 9, 2007

Song By- Keane, Album-( Hopes and Fears)

You say you wander your own land

But when I think about it

I don't see how you can

You're aching, you're breaking

And I can see the pain in your eyes

Says everybody's changing

And I don't know why

So little time

Try to understand that

I'm Trying to make a move

just to stay in the game

I try to stay awake

and remember my name

But everybody's changing

and I don't feel the same

You're gone from here

Soon you will disappear

Fading into beautiful light

'cos everybody's changing

And I don't feel right

So little time

Try to understand that

I'm Trying to make a move

just to stay in the game

I try to stay awake

and remember my name

But everybody's changing

and I don't feel the same

So little time

Try to understand that

I'm Trying to make a move

just to stay in the game

I try to stay awake

and remember my name

But everybody's changing

and I don't feel the same !!!_______________________________________________________________________

April 4, 2007

Pleasant surprises...

How come you get treated to pleasant surprises when you least expect them, at times you most need to - mentally - get away from everything that makes up your daily life?
This has kept happening to me several times in the past few months, specially when things seemed hopeless and very bad.... Maybe there is someone up their who watches over us and doesnt let..testing and trying times...exceed more than we can handle or cope with i guess....Just enough for wakeup and learn something out of it...or to become strong or whatever..!
Can call it fate, destiny, some higher force OUT THERE ... or wants...but i feel....he does help us...when we let out a genuien cry from within, from the depths of heart!
Anyway...whatever...its nice when that happens to you, coz makes you feel...YES i am loved by God and he hasnt forgotten me; and can hear my cries!!!

Made It Through The Rain..[song]

We dreamers have our ways

Of facing rainy days

And somehow we survive.

We keep the feelings warm

Protect them from the storm

Until our time arrives

.Then one day the sun appears

And we come shining through those lonely years.

I made it through the rain

I kept my world protected

I made it through the rain

I kept my point of view.

I made it through the rain

And found myself respected

By the others who got rained on too

And made it through.

When friends are hard to find

And life seems so unkind

Sometimes you feel so afraid

Just aim beyond the clouds,

and rise above the crowds

And start your own parade.

'Cause when I chased my fears away

That's when I knew that I could finally say.

I made it through the rain

I kept my world protected

I made it through the rain

I kept my point of view.

I made it through the rain

And found myself respected

By the others who got rained on too

And made it through.

I hate changes!

I can't help but say it bluntly: I hate changes!!! I guess everybody does to some extent but.. today I learned about one more change that is about to happen and I am not at all happy about it ...
Why can't some things just stay the same (or get better) instead of getting worse?
Just one small thing in years that I really wanted for myself, for my sanity, and I am not even granted this little favor ...
I guess I hate changes as much as not knowing what the future (at least concerning certain key aspects) may have in store for me ... (even though, I have to admit, sometimes it can be nice not to know what is just around the corner ...)
I just hope that despite this huge change that is about to happen, not everything will break down. Let's just hope that what keeps me going will still factor in some way or another ...''
I know that earlier i was talking about how everything happens for a reason ... but ... i just can't think positive right now ... am way too anxious and worried about everything and feel too much like crying ... !

Thinking about it for a while ... I guess there even IS an explanation why I seem to increasingly hate changes ... I guess the older I get....and hopefully wiser..!:-)the fewer people I meet who really enrich my life.. ! You know, smart - sometimes even brilliant - people with a sense of humor whose company you really enjoy and appreciate ...... ?And I guess it is just human to want to hold on to these few people who you think irreplaceable and precious enough to want to keep around ...

April 3, 2007

What A Few Minitues Of Conversation Can Do..To You!

Have always been amazed at what a few minutes you spend talking to someone nice can do to you even if - and maybe especially when ... - your day was a complete disaster!
I think I've had more than my share of disastrous days in the past few months ... maybe years ... and if it hadn't been for the few people in my life who are actually nice to me whenever I see them I don't know what would have happened. I guess they have saved my sanity so far .....
Having said this, one can only imagine what pleasant and long conversations can do to some people ... for me, they are something like magic ,curing my soul until the next disastrous day comes along ...

Remembering so many things..!

You know, it's weird how I have been remembering so many things from the past couple of years lately ... Songs, images, places, people ... or all of them linked in some way.
I think I tend to remember things like songs much more than people as such because on the one hand I do associate certain songs with certain people who I care(d) about ... and on the other hand there is no reason for me to remember many people since most of those I care about do still figure in my life in some way!

March 31, 2007

Some people leave Deep Impacts !

It's amazing how some people can have a rather inexplicable effect on you ... I've noticed this myself several times in the past few years and I have never stopped wondering why.
I don't know if you know the feeling when, for instance, somebody enters a room, thus changing the whole atmosphere of it in a way you can feel without even seeing the person enter. Or someone glances at you in a particular way or - when talking to you - has this intense look in his eyes that you just can't break away from and the world around you seems to fade out ...
Anyways, I remember meeting a few people who have had that effect on me in different places all over the world.
Anyhow, even though I have become older (probably not wiser in any way but at least older :-) and increasingly able to analyze my life - whether this is good or bad I don't know ... - I just can't track down the reason why certain people have such an effect on us.
Not finding a logical answer to this "riddle" pretty much bugs me but ... Should I maybe just stop analyzing everthing I can't explain and simply enjoy it? I guess that would be an option, wouldn't it? ... and I have to admit that I have recently caught myself living for the moment ... you know ... every now and then ... maybe this is what age is all about;-)

Feeling split in half!

It's weird how you can feel extremely happy and extremely sad at the same time... It's like being split in half emotionally ... and it's hard to know how to deal with that... It's kind of like feeling caught in between something you have but don't want anymore and something you want but (probably) can't have. I felt like that a few times in the past and I am still wondering how I got out of it ...
Unlike some months ago I am no longer wondering about how you are supposed to know what you really want ... now my question is rather how to get where you want, and honestly....i have surrendered to the almighty now; and i know he will take care of everybody and evrything,and nothing happens in this life without a reason..
One thing is clear, though: in a way, you gotta be your own fortune's planner because destiny won't just knock on your door like that. However, unfortunately there is still the difference between knowing where you want to go and actually finding a way to get there ... !
Some time ago..i remember watching some movie and i couldnt help but be impressed by this movie about these two people who - despite their "relationships" - are both unhappy when they meet, become friends and end up finding happiness in each other despite their unfortunate pasts.

I especially loved the scenes where they were strolling and doing things they had never done before,just simply having fun together, and finally finding what they've been looking for for a long time!

It's pretty impressive how a woman who was pretty unhappy in a way, could find joy and happiness because of a person she had just met. However, I guess in this case, this person being a handsome, clever, blue-eyed man certainly helped;-)
Actually, this was not really off-topic after all ... I mean, the herion of the movie was her own fortune's architect, in a way, because she actually frees herself of the cage she built for herself. ...

I can somehow understand how she felt and I wonder what actually made her capable of freeing herself ... !?
I think it might have been the hero of the movie and the man she had met,but I'm not (yet) completely sure ...



I feel everyhuman being is priceless and pretious..and divine gift from God and have holy, divine qualities in themselves also; yet they fail to realize it...or get diverted..distracted from the real truth...and therefore they seek recognition or appreciation from outside sources..or other people rather! Its so ironic....we have everything within us...including alot of Bliss deep down inside...and we search here there and everywhere! Now comming to the point...sometimes..our society puts certain rules and regulations...which is created by "us" people only mind fit in a certain bill or creteria of something....and if we dont happen the so called 'normal' terms...we are labeled, ridiculed or looked down upon, whether it be a male or a female! So we creat our own norms terms and principles , morals in our own mind/head to go by through in life..Now unfortunatly...somehow sadly in the asian part of the world women are still..made to feel slightly inferiour to men, and are subdude surpressed for example in whatever way.A small example is...when it comes to say divorce settelment for whatever reason....its the norm to give and ask for allominie abroad...and its the done thing..! And in the US for example..every States has different rules and regulations on that too; but..still a husband is supposed to give some financial aid..etc..etc..whatever...BUT sadly in an asian country...a women is made to feel.." that she is greedy, or too demanding" ..for something that she has a RIGHT over even!!!! If one takes responsibility of you for several years...dont u have the right to even question what will happen once the person has fallen out of the relationship or say is divorced!? What will happen to the X then? Will she be on theroad? Does she have to be made to feel guilty for asking for something that she rightfully should live and survive on ...say for example in the worst scenario...she is not working or is not financially indipendant!?? Or does one really expect her to go back to living a life of a child or teenager/.student in running back to her parents all of a sudden!!!???Its very sad how women till this day in the developing countries of the world..have to feel that kind of guilt...when they demand something that they already have right over! why are they made to feel beggars all of a sudden???So u see in this situation one has no choice left but to demand their right! Its called 'JUSTICE' being 'FAIR' and EQUAL ! getting the equal amount of respect...from the very male dominant society...who think and consider themselves to be superior and above everything else!And Judging from your comments...Mr Anonymous...i think and am gussing you must be a male .. :-0 correct??? As your comment itself sounds very biased towards...the article i published much women are worth..and for men to read! Ha ha...whatever...its true what you say...but then its the very men that degrade a woman, make her feel inferiour..otherwise...why would such slogans and aricles be the first place!??Also i would like to bring to your notice...although women abroad have much liberty..and freedom into and over everything...yet its ironice...that one of the worlds most...popular and leading cosmetic brand..L'Oreal...has women [mostly cilebrities also take a note!] saying this punchlines and the main slogan for the product!!! "BECAUSE IM WORTH IT, OR YOURE WORTH IT" whatever...!!!Everytime a man fails to recognize the potential and capacity of a woman, or does not give her the rightful respect she deserves as any human being should...there will be more and more writeups..and articles published like these and brought to notice! And more and more products...will come out with such sort of slogans with women being in the scene or role! ;-) As for selling concerned ask yrself...doesnt almost every commercial or product's marketing or a commercial for example have women in it!!!??? Even sports car and sexy women desplaying them go synonemous! So you see..........not everything can be done by men alone...despite having all the power, money, fame prestige..whatever..And last but not least...You must have heard the saying..'BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL MAN, IS A WOMAN'.? Now...but if u swist her, tearher apart, treat her like garbage, dump her, illtreat and misuse her, ortake her for its been shown in this writeup...THE VERY OPPOSITE CAN HAPPEN TOO!!! Rub a woman the wrong way...and she can destroy you, ruien you too!
In our country....even a humble COW is a goddess, a divinity...! So does she demand it? or ask for it? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..........BECAUSE SHE DESERVES IT! Being a mother, feeding your child your own milk,[which is so healthy and nutrious for various reasons known now] raising your child to become a good human being, strong and healthy society..caring and supporting in them in a GOOD ENOUGH REASON to say WE ARE WORTH IT!!! And why do we have to remind men...??? Simple....coz they FORGET AND TAKE US FOR GRANTED!The day our society wakes realize that deep down inside...there is no male or female, there is no gender difference, their is no fight or struggle for trying to be superior or win and be the stroger better one; that deep down inside...we are all one! We are spirits,souls, pure energy and bliss, part of the supreme...itself..!!! Aatma is part of Paramaatma only right?!Then i am sure....there would be no need for such writeups where we have to PROOVE our worth to others!!! We are all unique and beautiful individuals in our own way; and we are all one and part of the same lifeforce/God...and in his eyes........EVERYBODY IS PRICELESS, AND NOBODY HAS TO PROOVE ANYTHING TO HIM! NOBODY HAS TO EARN ANY CREDITS OR BROWNIE POINTS FOR ANYTHING! AND WE DONT HAVE TO "EARN ANYTHING" AS U HAD PUT IT....FOR HIM AS WE ARE ALL EQUAL TO HIM; WE ARE ALL ONE; NOBODY IS BIGGER OR STRONGER OR WISER...WE ARE ALL HIS CHILDREN, NOMATTER WHERE WE COME FROM, HOW WE ARE BROUGHT UP,TO HIM ALL THIS IS OF NO CONCERN! WE ARE ALL HIS CHILDREN AND HE LOVES US EQUALLY!

Cheers! Have a nice day/night! whatever... :-)

March 28, 2007

Something well said, and For all the guys to ponder on!

I have again copied this from a forwarded mail sent to me from one of my female friends....and i think its really worth...shring with the rest of you!!!

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question, "What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking,
"Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, he said, "Yes.

"She began to expound... As a woman in this day and age,
I am in a position to ask a man what can he do for me that I can't do for myself.
I pay my own bills;
I take care of my household without the help of any man. I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.
She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money.

I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said,
"I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need* conversation and mental stimulation*. I don't need a simple-minded man.
I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.
I need a man who is* striving for perfection financially* because I don't need a financial burden.
I am looking for someone who is* sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but is strong enough to keep me grounded.*
I am looking for someone who* I can respect*. In order to be > submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business.
I have no problem* being submissive*...he just* has to be worthy*.*
God made woman to be a helpmate for man.* I can't help a man if he can't help himself.
When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a
puzzled look on his face. He said, "You're asking a lot."

She! replied,* "I'm worth a lot."*

This goes out to every woman who's worth a lot! And to every man who needs to know!