I have been away from my online community/home for sometime now, as have had alot to deal with in my personal life; these past four months of my dissapearance;
From dealing with my child being taken away from me, without my knowledge and concent ......to dealing and still going through a custody battle, to now talks , that have moved from seperation to a complete divorce, and the settlement issues that go with it [uckkhh hate all his!] !!!!!!
Im telling you i have been through hell and back! My whole life seems uprooted and adrift sometimes. But outof the chaos i do feel that despite all the pain and suffering , it has not all been totally negative!
There have been times when i have realized how much my internal spirit has "Grown" through the bitterness, to a place where i can take the blows and everything that comes my way, but not respond likewise.
I feel pity and a sense of forgiveness towards those who wish to harm me, and in this i feel lies my salvation.
If it wasnt for my personal" Guru", "master", "guide" and true "mentor" in life...... poojya/beloved Guruji's { Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji} influence in my life, i honestly dont know what i would have done, or how i would have coped with life altering experiences n events and having to make probably the most difficult decisions till date in my life!!!!!
By his Holiness's grace i am admist all the mess,ugliness, and heartackes still able to gather enough strength from within to open my eyes to a new morning everyday!
Sometimes........i feel God tries to send us messeges, unfortunatly through pain and suffering.... that .... we should not forget who we really are [which is a beautiful spirit, soul,part of God himself!] and remember our source, where we have actually come from etc, and get centered.....when we lose our way or start to take life and all things for granted!
Fortunatly through some yoga practices, breathing excersises [developed by guruji] where you increase your 'prana' level; meditations and listening to many many discourses on various topics on and about life, By Guruji himself, either live or via vedio cds, or through the 'Art of living' channel on the world space sattalite radio..............; i have fortunatly been able to view and see life from a broader perspective now; and it has given me tremendous strength and courage from within.......
where now despite going through pain and suffering, despite being in the midst of all the chaos and horrows one can face....i am able to rise above it....and be able to have compassion for the other.................and honestly, all this would not have been possible without the presence of "Guruji" in my life and the beautiful and wonderful people i have met and made friends with , throughout and during my various courses......on 'AOL' and throughout this journey and selfdiscovery; the 'art of living family' now that i have become a part of for life!
Today i can calm my mind, when my very next day is full of uncertanties! Where my whole life is one big question mark itself!
And all this is all due to the soiritual experiences....i have gained. Although i feel very very sad and cry often not just for myself but for the very people who have caused and given me this immense pain and suffering....
i know that alot has to do with your 'Karma' also! Some things can be changed and are in our hands......but beyond a certain point......you just have to "let go" and surrenderto the divine! Which is what i am doing now....
Let God, nature, universe,cosmoss, divine consciencess .............call it whatever..............take care of it!
At the end..............i pray to God, Guruji..............to please ease the pain for my still loved and dear ones.........[my husband, his family] everyone really !who are also suffering...........and going through immense stress and tormoil........due to everything that has happened and taken place, willingly or unwillingly, consciensly or unconsciensly.....LAst but definatly not the least , for all of this to not let it effect our child, and damage his[right now] fragile psyce, in anyway!
As this is our main concern and worry as being responsible parents...!
Please dear God, i know whatever has to happen will happen; yet i pray that it doesnt hurt or damage anyone so that we are not able to rise above it and grow or gain something from it! I donot want anyone to loose! I want all of us to come out of it as WINNERS!!!!
Please help those who donot and cannot see what they are doing, those who cannot understand.........why etc....! Pls dear merciful God, make it easy for all of us; and expand our consiences so that.......we are better able to sail through life's difficulties.........with a smile instead of a frown...!
Amen.
JAI GURUDEV!!!
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