MY BABY'S GONE!!!!!!

My eyes are so painful!
HELP! slept for 3 hrs... only can..

slept at 4. woke up at 7 .15
How nice.....
If only i could....tell
i need a shoulder to lean on..
i really do..!
gonna breakdown anytime.
im tired.. really tired.
i want to get away from all this..
Somehow vanish in thin air perhaps..
scream scream scream!

Life is so unfair...
My Baby's gone, my baby's gone!!!!!!!
How will i live without him?

I miss him so much,all the time!
I still hug his pillow,
and can smell his hair
I remember bathing him, one last time
and he was so happy, and gave me a kiss and said
"i love you mumma"

Does anyone know how it feels to loose a child?
I never knew i will probably never see him again!!!
i miss him running up and down in the whole house,
playing with his cars and toys...
babbling away forever about..."why this and why that"
Watching his cartoons....

His scooter is still where he left them,
yesterday i folded his last load of laundry that i put in the machine!
and was smelling and hugging his tshirt to see if i could smell his sceant again
Gosh......if only i knew.....the hug that i gave him will probably,
be the last one, maybe for a very long time....i would have held him so tight and
said " i love you a thousand times!!!!!"

I want to hear his voice , but am afraid, he might start missing me,
what if he asks his Dad,
why didnt you bring Mumma?
Or "mumma ke paas jana hai"
then i know my heart will break!

I know i will breakdown.....and have pain so much pain to
see my baby again, hold him, hug him, kiss him
tell him i will always be there for him and never leave you,
But i can't!
Because........he has been deliberatly kept away from me!
I love him so much......how can i harm him!!!?????????

I love him so much,
that i am ready..
i dont want him to miss me;
i dont want him to think about me
coz it will only hurt both of us;
coz neither is he allowed to comeback,
or can i see him!
Oh my GOD! help me please!!!!!
My baby has gone.....my baby has gone!!!!!!