Distant...

Is what we have become now .
But for the past couple of months it has detoreated to such a drastic extentand at such an alrming rate, its unbelievable!
The way he talks to me,the way he looks at me,the way he reacts to me, his expressions, his disgust and indifference it's no longer the same.
I tried to reach him a little bit for some time but then frackly i gave up too!
and i think nothing will ever seem to work now, nomatter what i do or say or not do....he has locked the doors on me; its very obviousfor sure.
I used to make samll efforts,or tried anyway; and only a few months back i was laughing and giggling, and just such a happy, changed person, full of confidance and living each moment to the fullest, after doing my Aol courses!!
But even my smile, my laugh, my confidance......bothered him! He could not tolerate me doing "something for myself"infact i think it pissed him off even more, in the sense he started getting jelious or envious i guess!
Thats all i can say....dont know what to mke out...why he hates me so much!?
The cold shoulder and stuff, insults, blame,making me feel guilty for every single thing, day in and day out...just cant get it off my mind now.
Infact he says he has become hard.....well after last night; something has snapped inside me also, something is dead, probably has been for a long time i guess...but i still kept on trying....for the sake of our child....but now enough is enough!I cannot handle anymore stress in my life right now, its just too much; and this time he has crossed all limits!

Some times i miss our old times way in the begining; when we were getting to know eachother, and how we used to correspont regularly and talk for such long hours on the phone! How just those few words in his soft voice at the other end saying "Hi Shui, its me" made me feel like a thousand bucks, and i felt so wanted and loved and cherished in the begining and that there would always be someone there to love,and to care for me,like no other!
I miss all that....and can't help but remenice the past.
Who would know or could tell that things could go so horribly wrong, just few years down the line, that we dont even want look at each other anymore; forget about communicating or expressing anything!

Life really sucks...sometimes.....this is probably the worst time of my entire life!!!!!!