Heavy heart

what can i say more?
Life really sucks right now! that's all.My life is plain boring..... i dont get, how can people be afraid of death?
For me, i really want to die young.
I know i cannot take my own life.
I really hope that God will take me away with him soon.
I know God has plans for me but i am really tired of waiting.
Why cant He just tell me in my dreams or something?
I have to keep guessing.
My life is so meaningless and i cant take it anymore!
I see my friends having things i dont have and will never have.
Be it things or friends or family, they seem to have it all.
Somehow or another, i seem to be lacking the most important thing i feel in my life is LOVE!!!
Nothing about me is good.
They say God made everyone talented in their own way.
I thought i can sing; but whenever i raise my interests or wishes....they are met with hateful glares or discuting expressions as if i am going to commit some crime or something like adultry or something! why!? Arent my hopes, dreams and desires of any importnace to anyone? Doesnt my existance make any difference to anyone!?????
I thought i am funny only to realise i have been laughing at my own jokes, above all some ppl in my life cannot even tolarate to see me happy, smiling or giggling; i have been told on my face i sound like a crazy person when i laugh openly without any concerns for what others might think or say! Some people hate me, i think!

Cant i just get a life and LIVE?
Not only do i lack in my social life, my brain is slowly dying too; as i just feel like a machine, a robot, a piece of object in the house sometimes!
I dont seem to have any use at all, and i am made to feel that way AND reminded and looked down upon on a daily basis for the things im lacking in , can or cannot do! and i mean it.
All i want, and ever wanted in my life was/ is love.
I seek for someone to love me unconditionally, even with all my flaws and drawbacks!
I miss my parents so much! as noone else here seem to even care.
All he and his family seem to care about is himslef and his son, and they about their son and their grandchild! I dont even come anywhere in the picture!!!!
I can really tell the difference with having a mother staying by your side and having none.
My mother in law is always too busy for me!
I want to go out and have fun but i cant. But now i have developed low self esteem.
I want to be liked and appriciated bythem.
why am i so different in a bad way?
I want to grow as a person and expand my awareness and consiencess ;i want to make sure my family will be whole, will be happy and loved.
I dont know and i am not sure. not at all. i am worried. so pathetic.
I dont want to be lonely in future, foreever!
sometimes, i dont mind being a single mother at all.
At least i would have my child staying with me, infront of my eyes,at least i wont be lonely!
But isnt having a man by your side supporting you through hard times, sharing all your tears and laughters better than being alone?
I thought so too. where are you?!!!