Contradictory words and actions....

Why is it that what you do
doesn't concur with what you write?
you show me tender loving care in real life!
if that's really how you feel,
then what you write
doesnt make any sense at all.
and vice-versa.
i dont wanna live in perpetual confusion.
Why do you always seem to be too busy for me?
well,i guess you had forgotten something
i said to you a long time ago.
remember i told you
i can only go out with people i am comfortable with
and that match my mental level
it explains the reason why i dont like to go out with the expact crowd!
You know how much i wanna spend time with you?
even right now
it's not like i havent tried over and over again.
i apologise,for not making this work.
with all that energy that's left in me now,
im still thinking about you.
how was I supposed to know.
you never told me baby what you want.
I can't read your mind,
you never bothered to look inside of mine.
"I used to wake up every morning
and all I could do was think of you. "
Is what you used to say right...?
it was all a lie.
yea,
a lie.
why do people tell me things they dont mean?
and out of everybody,why you?
you say you loved me.
should i believe you?
or should i not?
because you lied to me once....twice.
yea,
people asked me to trust them.
but im sorry, everyone.
i've lost trust in all human beings.
i've gained it back once.
but he made me lose it once again!
and the only one who can make me gain it back
once more,is only he himself.
even if you look into my eyes
and ask of me to trust you,
anyone,i still have my own doubts.
i did not ask for myself
to be like that.
It's the people out there who made me who i am.
i used to believe every word anyone says.
believed that the whole world
is full of people with much love in them
even if they look like hooligans or act like one.
and it was all too late
when i regconised that what i believed all along
was wrong!
gullible and naive.
yea,
those were what they all used to call me.
now?
con-tress,bitch... cunning..words like that.
i may seem to be enjoying the salutations,
laughing with everyone else,
but what's on my mind
are the days when i was the victim of
con-tresses and cunning people.
and i dont wanna be her again.
i dont wanna end up
feeling so cheated yet again and again.
i dont blame Him for creating people like that.
He created people filled with love and compassion,
just like Himself.
it's them who decided to go astray.
i hope He has something good
planned out for them.
i hope He has something good planned out for me!
just like He used to many months ago.
when it was all about him and myself.
yea,
it's true,
if you're thinking about it-
i still love him just the way i used to.
i still yearn to be in his arms,
have his love.
see him fall asleep in my arms,
just like an innocent baby.
and i miss him very,very much.
i dont wanna fake it.
I remember when you came with me that night.
We said forever,
that you would never let me go.
But here I am again,
with nothing left inside.
No I don't wanna
but I gotta let you go.
Baby,with every breath that's in me,
i still love,
to some extent although we are so distant
and there is such an emotional disconnect
yet, somewhere deep down in my heart
i think i still love you!