My painful Saga again.....!

Anyone been in in love? out of love? ditched?
bitched? dumped? dumped some one? neglected?
cried all nite? Hear my story and judge me.
I am just an ordinary girllive an ordinary life untill i met my husband and married;
with ordinary parents with great bunch of school colledge friends whom i loved.
But why is that somehow or the other after marriage,
i assumed and presumed i found the best man formyself, and now myself,
he would love me, comfort and support me;
[specially knowing i did not have such a great past history!]
How is that i always end up making the wrong decisions,
and making wrong judgements of people?
Why is it that....i always end up getting hurt ?nomatter what i say or do,
i am always misunderstood!!!???
Why is life so hard and difficult for me!?
God knows i never wish or have ever wished ill of anyone!
Then .........instead of loving and being compassionate towards me; helping me;
they crib about my failures,my weaknesses, my drawbacks.....etc etc
IS it so difficult to give UNCONDITIONAL LOVE to someone???

Why is it so hard to find true love?
And why is it so hard to love??
What is true love after all?
i need an answer? whom do i care for? whom do i love?
whom do i seek helpfrom?I dont know....
i've been having sleepless nights...
i really cant sleep peacefully anymore! How can i?!
I have been ditched yet again! Its pain and suffering all over again!
How long will this carryon? What was my fault?
IS it my fault if i fall sick and ill?
How can life be so crule?????

I can't go on loving someone genuinely, only to find i get hurt and dumped all over again!
i cant live like this.The pain is too much to bare...
i cry every night, for my baby, for the situation i am in..
also for loosing my man....so you see the bereavement is double!
The grief is double!
And i have lost everything i ever desired and wanted in life ..
A good husband,loving family and wonderful kids!
That was my one and only ambition and aim in life...!
Where do i go now...? what do i do? Where do i stat from..

When the very chore of my existance...has vanashied from my life..
There is no onethat i can openly talk about it...
no one to pour out to.
And who will listen to my crap anyway!?
and my thoughts are just playing like a spoiled tape recoder;
keeps playing and playing ...
keeps hurting me, haunting memuch!
and i feel torn from inside.

I know somehow i have to muster and gather enough courage to
let my memories fade away...
life actually is very beautiful......and not so complicated
as we humans make it out to be.

I am and have always made the wrong decisions in my life...
thought i knew this person inside out...
but never ever thought he could do something like this!!!
This is like the worst nightmare ever....anyone could ever possibly have!
EVERY DECISION I MADE IN LIFE WAS WRONG!
Every guy that entered my life was wrong fo me, in someway or the other..

I know how to start from scratch now!
dont even know what i wantanymore!
I dont know wats right and wrong anymore.
Maybe its a testing time for me again, but...
sometimes Life really sucks!!!!!!!!!