Created this post with a heavy heart.
so heavy i thought i couldnt hold on to it anymore.
I needed to just let go all the misery.
But besides parents and wellwishers,
nobody is there for me.
All i can do is write.
I also happen to be suffering from depression!
oh well,
i hope someone reads this and gives me some kind of comfort.
I am seriously in need of friends and also love.
oh gosh.
i dont know why am i living in the world!
ask me what and who am i living for and i can tell you,
For my son Now ofcourse.....
but whose knows maybe once he grows up,
he will also kick me out of his life, and heart...
Just one fine day!
just like that...
Who knows?
I dont know anything anymore;
what the future holds, whats in store for me, my child, my husband
I see nothing for me to look forward to in life.
Right now it all seems so bleak, dark and miserable!
Everybody has and leads a normal life but not me.
Mine is just plain boring, predictable and ordinary.
lost in misery, thats me.
Some of my old friends,
described me as being cheerful, happy-go-lucky,
a girl with a "couldnt care less kind of attitude you know"!
I can tell you,
I am not the same person i once was;
Infact , just the opposite!
from what one know and see...
i admit pretending to be someone i know i am not,
feeling from inside;
meaning i try so hard to joke, laugh and advice people etc etc
But no, its all a pretence, its all such an effort!
I pretend to be someone
i think everyone will accept, and like..
But its all very exausting to me if you are really not eeling like smiling or laughing from inside, if you know what i mean!?
and i am, and feel tired already.
Tired of pretending to BE HAPPY!
i hate having to act as if life is full of happiness,
act as if every cloud has a silver lining. I HATE IT!
Life forbids me to be depressed, or sometimes feel a little blue or down for whatever reason!
All i can do is hide all my misery
and let it all out only at home
in the privacy of my bedroom or bathroom,
and not in front of anybody.
why cant i be myself?
Sometimes i cant help but feel sorry for myself and hate myself!
If you ask me, i feel worthless and good for nothing!
and people like me deserve nothing.
life is just so unfair!
why me?
But then when i see the "real world and its misery,
and people going through hell and in much worse state than me;
my sorrows look little and become insignificant
Then i say ...."why not me!"
Am i special or what???? Who am i ? nothing...nobody!
But having said all that....
still sometimes i feel..............why me? What will happen to me?
why was i born into this world?
Everybody has some purpose, aim or goal in life...
Whats mine?????
All to do with me, me, me,
But although i understand there is much more suffering outside in this world..
Yet still .......sometimes i become weak and selfish..
its only human to, i guess...
Im not a Saint only human after all!
Right?
so heavy i thought i couldnt hold on to it anymore.
I needed to just let go all the misery.
But besides parents and wellwishers,
nobody is there for me.
All i can do is write.
I also happen to be suffering from depression!
oh well,
i hope someone reads this and gives me some kind of comfort.
I am seriously in need of friends and also love.
oh gosh.
i dont know why am i living in the world!
ask me what and who am i living for and i can tell you,
For my son Now ofcourse.....
but whose knows maybe once he grows up,
he will also kick me out of his life, and heart...
Just one fine day!
just like that...
Who knows?
I dont know anything anymore;
what the future holds, whats in store for me, my child, my husband
I see nothing for me to look forward to in life.
Right now it all seems so bleak, dark and miserable!
Everybody has and leads a normal life but not me.
Mine is just plain boring, predictable and ordinary.
lost in misery, thats me.
Some of my old friends,
described me as being cheerful, happy-go-lucky,
a girl with a "couldnt care less kind of attitude you know"!
I can tell you,
I am not the same person i once was;
Infact , just the opposite!
from what one know and see...
i admit pretending to be someone i know i am not,
feeling from inside;
meaning i try so hard to joke, laugh and advice people etc etc
But no, its all a pretence, its all such an effort!
I pretend to be someone
i think everyone will accept, and like..
But its all very exausting to me if you are really not eeling like smiling or laughing from inside, if you know what i mean!?
and i am, and feel tired already.
Tired of pretending to BE HAPPY!
i hate having to act as if life is full of happiness,
act as if every cloud has a silver lining. I HATE IT!
Life forbids me to be depressed, or sometimes feel a little blue or down for whatever reason!
All i can do is hide all my misery
and let it all out only at home
in the privacy of my bedroom or bathroom,
and not in front of anybody.
why cant i be myself?
Sometimes i cant help but feel sorry for myself and hate myself!
If you ask me, i feel worthless and good for nothing!
and people like me deserve nothing.
life is just so unfair!
why me?
But then when i see the "real world and its misery,
and people going through hell and in much worse state than me;
my sorrows look little and become insignificant
Then i say ...."why not me!"
Am i special or what???? Who am i ? nothing...nobody!
But having said all that....
still sometimes i feel..............why me? What will happen to me?
why was i born into this world?
Everybody has some purpose, aim or goal in life...
Whats mine?????
All to do with me, me, me,
But although i understand there is much more suffering outside in this world..
Yet still .......sometimes i become weak and selfish..
its only human to, i guess...
Im not a Saint only human after all!
Right?
No comments:
Post a Comment