It always happens in a sequence doesnt it? Associations of something /anything lead to thoughts, memories.....which in the end lead to feelings of nostalgia of the past; the good old happy memories...and...ofcourse sometimes...not so good ones...which are the opposite, meaning disturbing!
Just the other day............was watching some old movie on tv, which i saw...when i was in my early college days...and it just brought back all those...sweet memories rushing back to me; and suddenly for a few minitues...i got transformed...into that perticular time, age, in that day!
The feelings were so strong! I can remember everything about those days.., those happy days....! I can remember that how life used to be so carefree at that time, how strong spirited i was! How strongwilled i was....and ready to fight with the world for what i belived in...loved and cherished. I was so full of life....so energetic, so bubbly and happy all the time! To describe the days i would say....as if...the bright sun shone on me...and my days were full of its beautiful rays...and i shone...like the sun itself...i was a bright star...in my own right..., in my own world, in my own galaxy!
One by one....everything starts to appear before my eyes....i can remember..the sights, the smells, the sounds .....feel the atmosphere...breath the fresh air...blowing in the huge garden we had.....back then, as i close my eyes! I can feel the warm sunshine....on my arms....my back standing in that time zone...just soaking up...all the positive energy sourrinding me..
I am looking at this movie.....while all these thoughts and feelings are........are being remembered by me...and slowley and gradually...emerging from.GOd knows where! I guess somewhere...deep down inside me....; where they are burried, laid to rest perhaps.
I miss the happy times...........which have been few and far apart but...still....i miss them. Hence are treasured...and cherrished and appriciated so much now!
Therefore in many ways....they act as a nice and a welcome escape...too!
when things get overwhelming...and the burden becomes too much...to carry....
i escape.....either into my happy memories of the past, or...into my imaginary idealistic...world of the future.
Dreaming....that one day....it will all be well again...one day.....the sun will shine again and can smell the sweet smell of love, happiness, success....again.
where my life, situations, and the people around me will lift my spirits....and we all will be full of positive energy once again, and therefore will be able to spread it to the world and others in turn!
Those nostalgic beautiful memories of the good old days...
Why does it pinch....and hurt when i think about them? A song perhaps...which i used to sing back then, and which i happen to suddenly hear...now.....
bring tears.....to my eyes! It litrally hurts...physically feel the pain in my chest..the heavy weight...which i feel....and then the Sinking feeling..!
The desperation to go back.....! to that time....! then comes the panic.....because i know in my logical head, that is never going to happen........and last comes the ...FEAR....
Fear....of...what now? Where from here now?
Now all those happy memories.....suddenly dissapear...and are taken over by the truth of my harsh...reality. The emptimess, the loneliness...the vaccume...the void.....!
If only...i could be lost forever...in the happy land!
If only my dreams, my fantasies...could turn into reality!
If only today was like yesterday, and tomarrow is better than today!
If wishes could be horses...than..i could be living the happytims...Today!
But ahh the feelings of nostalgia....none the less....So Beautiful! So beautiful! If only one could reach out and grab hold of them....whenever...
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