I dont know what to feel anymore!

one moment,you make me feel all loved again.
then a second later,
you make me feel like an abandoned child
stuck in utter darkness.
why does it have to be like that?
tell me what i should be feeling.
i dont know how long can i hang onto this.
cuz i would be going crazy
if you should continue doing this to me.
it's hard to be a pretender.
fighting that i'm fine,
even from all this
being the chirpy person
in front of everyone.
but on the inside,
it's all broken and dying.
some people claim they understand me.
some even think they understand me really well.
but how much IS really well?
nobody can comprehend
what's truly inside my mind,
not anymore.
cuz even i,myself,find it hard to!
how can i replace someone so dear
and precious to me with someone else?
my heart isn't big enough
to comprise another man.

not brave enough to stand up again.
i'll wait.
for you to be back to heal the heart
you caused to shatter into a million pieces,
leaving me feeling so lonely and cold.
i want to hear you whisper
the three words into my ears,
like you always did,
just like it was our little secret.