Rosies life

STILL REMINDS ME OF YOU!

2007-05-20T14:16:00.000Z

I cut off my hair

Put some red on every nail on my feet

I think its pretty

I repainted all the rooms

Got a cat that i named June, obviously

I think she's happy

Friends threw some parties

I've been to them all, there's not one that i missed

And i've tried to spend my time with somebody new

But everyone

Still reminds me of you

And tried to play some songs that change my point of view

But every sound

Still reminds me of you!

I've done some walking

Listen to the people talk on the street

I dont feel lonely

I saw some movies

But your face kept coming back on the screen

I think im crazy

Can't make decisions

I could use some more distractions today

And i've tried to spend my time with somebody new

But everyone

Still reminds me of you

And i tried to play some songs that change my point of view

But every sound

Still reminds me of you

I wonder where did i go wrong? what made you gone?

How i hate to feel alone

I've tried to spen my timewith somebody new

But everyone

Still reminds me of you!

And i tried to playsome songs that change my point of view

But every sound

Still reminds me of you!!!!

Still reminds me ........

Meanings of names starting with different alphabets.

2007-05-20T14:10:00.000Z

SOME INTERESTING FIND FROM THE INTERNET.

Does your name begin with: A.
U are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action.You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get.You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up-front person. You often don't get hints & you ever pass any. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is! intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important for you. You tend to be very Practical, & not very emotional Your choices are very good & can only lead to trouble. You are very self satisfied & egoistic.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: B
You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your expression of endearments, and particular when it comes to love. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite & feelings. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: C
You are a very social individual, and it i s important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good-looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sensual, Needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to hold out on affection until you receive this.. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: D
Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full Steam ahead in your suit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement's, sometimes possessive and jealous. You are very sharp & talented often with sense of humour. When people bother to look deep inside they cannot resist what they see. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a free and open attitude. You get jealous of other people and lose your temper .

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: E
Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while-it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important. But once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. You will fall asleep with a good book. sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book to a lover)

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: F
You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are a born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are a favourite fantasy past time. You can be a very generous lover.

___________________________________________________________ Does your name begin with: G
You are fastidious, seeking perfection within yourself and your lover. You respond to a lover who i s yourintellectual equal or superior, and one who can enhance your status. You are sensuous and know how to reach the peak of stimulation, because you work at it meticulously. You can be extremely active-never tiring out. Your duties and responsibilities take precedence over everything else. You may have difficulty getting emotionally close to people.

___________________________________________________________ Does your name begin with: H
You seek a mate who can enhance your zest for life ,fun & everything You seek for. You will be very generous to your lover once you have Attained a commitment. You are very affectionate & very strong. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though, you tend to be very careful with your every move and equally cautious in your involvement's often as you believe that you have to look out fo r yourself. You are a sensual and patient lover. You will hold off till everything meets your full approval. You are a perfectionist, hard to satisfy and strong in your beliefs. Not influential, you always stand your ground. People can always count on you to stand by them in a crisis. You are a dreamer with/ a passion for life.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: I
You have a great need to be loved, appreciated... even worshiped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You like necking spend hours just touching feeling & exploring. You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your de sires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of expression. You bore easily and thus require adventure and change. Your commitments don't last very long & you often tend to stray. Loyalty is not one of your strong points. You are more sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: J
You are blessed with a great deal of physical energy. When used for a good cause there is nothing to stop you, except maybe that they aren't always used for the good. (you could dance all night.) You respond to the thrill of the chase and the challenge of the mating game.You can carry on great romances in your head. At heart you are a roamer and need to set out on your own every so often. You will carry on long- distance relation ships with ease. You are idealistic and need to believe in love. You have a need to be nurtured deep within.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: K
You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along. You are very generous & giving, often selfless. You are kind-natured & sweet, which is found to be attractive by many. You are a good friend.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: L
You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. "You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated ".

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: M
You may appear innocent, unassuming and shy; but we know that Appearances can lie. When it comes to sex, you are no novice but something of a skilled technician. You can easily go to extremes, though, running the gamut from insatiability to boredom with the whole idea of love. You can be highly critical of you mate, seeking perfection in both of you. It is not easy to find someone who can meet your standards. You have difficulty expressing emotions and drawing close to lovers. You are often selfish, thinking you are always right no matter what. You never give in. Winning is your prime desire- at any cost. You often forget friends and family and you live for the moment.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: N
You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you Throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all-consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You believe in total freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of energy is inexhaustible. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You also enjoy mothering your mate. You often have the greatest love affairs all by yourself, in your head. You are very imaginative.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: O
You are very interested in fun activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your energy into making money and/or seeking we. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate lover, requ iring the same qualities From your mate. Love is serious business; thus you demand intensity, diversity and is willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: P
You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of Doing anything that might harm your image or Reputation. Appearances count. Therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy...a good fight stimulates those vibes. You are relatively free of hang- ups.You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things.You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: Q
You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people because of their ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and conversation to turn you on and keep you going.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: R
You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal-the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is not very important to you. You have to be proved to be worthy for a partner. You have a need to prove yourself the best. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating & romantic.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: S
For you, it is pleasure before business. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and is capable of much sensuality. But you never loose control of your emotions. Once you make the commitment you stick like glue. You could get jealous and possessive. You tend to be very selfish often regarding yourself as the only human being on the planet.. You like being the centre of attention. You are very caring sensitive, private & sometimes very passive. Turned on by soft lights, romantic thoughts. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role, or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the rightperson to come along. You are very generous & giving, often selfless. You are kind nature & sweet which is found to be attractive by many. You are a good friend. -

-------------------------------- Does your name begin with: T
You are very sensitive, private & sometimes very passive. You like someone who takes the lead. You get turned on by music, soft lights & romantic thoughts. You fantasize & tend to fall in & out of love soon. When in love you are romantic, idealistic, mushy & extremely. You enjoy havin g your senses & your feelings stimulated, titillated & teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, all in your own head. Once you put your mind to something you manage to stand by it and see your dreams through. You aren't very good at expressing your feelings. You like things your own way. You do not like change, you like to hold on to things. This may not always be good because if given an opportunity things may develop into great things. You work your way to the top. Attention must be given to what others say because even though you don't want to hear it their advice may turn out to save your life. !

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: U
You are enthusiastic & at your happiest when in love. When not in love you're in love with love and always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as challenge. You are a roamer & needs adventure, excitement freedom. You enjoy giving gifts & looking good. You are willing to put others feelings above yours.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: V
You are individualistic & you need freedom, space & excitement. You wait till you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means psyching her/him out. You feel a need to get into his/her head to see what makes him tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. You believe that age is no barrier. You are good at responding to danger, fear & suspense.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: W
You are very proud, determined & refuses to take no for an answer when it come to love. Your ego is at stake all the time. You are romantic, idealistic, often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner for who she or he really is. You feel deeply about love & tends to throw all of your self into a relationship. Nothing is too good for your lover. You like playing love games.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: X
You need constant stimulation because you get bored quickly. You can handle more than 1 relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You can do 2 things at once. You are very talented.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: Y
You are sensual & very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forget the whole thing. You want to control your relationships which doesn't work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation. However if you can make money you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You have a need to prove yourself the best. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating & romantic.

--------------------------------- Does your name begin with: Z
You are very romantic but show feels that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate & attracting people who have u nusual trouble. You see yourself as a lover's saviour.

Whats worth more in life?

2007-05-20T14:01:00.000Z

ITS AN ILLUSION THAT WITH MONEY , POWER AND PRESTIGE WE CAN BECOME HAPPY!
I still go with the age old saying..." Money definatly cannot buy happiness"!
Its only a means... ofcourse with money u can do alot for the poor an needy also, as everything in life comes with a pice tag! But....ultimatly what counts is .....are material things responsible for true happiness or...its just something which elivates your mood for sometime; yet if you are not truelly one with yourself, and God....one will always be dissatisfied...no matter how much wealth they equire! Happiness is a state of mind; which can come when we have the wisdome and knowledge ;that money will come and go and flow like water....here today ,gone tomarrow....! WE are first all souls undearneath our humanly body and exterier......and try to look and search for happiness in monetary gains , or in the outside mundane world...whereas...if we search deepwithin....go indepth.....really deep we will find...there is alot of Bliss...we ARE actually bliss and full of energy/lifesource...yet we get bogged down....in the superficial.....mundane world!

My feeling is that it's all about money only until you have a considerable amount of money..but once you have an impressive fortune..money is really not the most important thing to you anymore..
Some prosperous people go for fame some go for power..but i wonder if they are still satisfied..

I feel like satisfaction is worth the most in life..you gotta be satisfied at some point or else life is just worthless...
And the age old saying holds very true here i guess 'money really cannot buy happiness'!

Have you ever seen the rich and famous celebritites...for example how they try to mask their emotions, and how fake lifestyles they live?
How they put layers upon layers of makingup to hide.......their real self?
How they try to hide the puffiness in their eyes, coz they were probably partying and drinking all night long and didnt catch much sleep....!

How everything becomes fake in their lives....from trying to put on a fake smile, to having fake friends, to....and so on and so forth the list can go on and on...

I actually feel sorry for them because.....they are the most insecure of people....not knowing whome to trust and when; as they must be constantly wondering.....is he for my money or for me?
Hence when it all becomes too much for them they take to drungs, alcohol, smoking, and many other different life destabelizing things!

They most be the most miserable and lonely sorts.....not having anything real in their life; their private lives constantly bombarded with media attention etc.

Thats why although when young i used to be a prick but i have stopped judging people anymore; coz God forbid if we were in their shoes....we would know what it felt like!

2007-05-18T08:05:00.000Z

"It takes so many years",
as Eliot said,
So many years of inner strain and sweat,
"To learn that one is dead".

EYES

2007-05-18T08:01:00.000Z

Your eyes are lovely, dark and deep,
But passion's alps are very steep,
And all my dreams are fast asleep,
And all my dreams are fast asleep.

STRANGER...

2007-05-16T17:12:00.000Z

Deep within my hungry soul

raged a tormented beast

Who yearned for freedom,

wings to fly;

its moaning never ceased.

In darkest hours of sullen nights

as shrouded as the dead,

Tears sprang up from my fragile wounds

and drowned me in my bed.

I cried out in vain.

The beast won again.

A fingertip 'pon dampened cheek roused me,

one night, from dream.

Although I feared another in my world,

I did not scream

But rather gazed into these eyes

that drew me to a sea

Embellished with angelic song.

With wings spread,

I was free.

The beast made no sound.

All sorrows had drowned.

Some kind of angel was this man

who freed me from torment.

My wings alighted '

pon a blissful breeze

his Love had sent.

No dread, no night, could haunt me now;

I'd banished Loneliness;

All thoughts of fear,

sad memories, now paled beside his kiss.

Entwined within my lover's arms

I no longer fear the night.

He's given me the wind;

he's opened up the cage.

I've taken flight.

From high above majestic oaks,

the world's a lonely place.

But all the hope I'll ever need rests

in my lover's face.

This Stranger crossed my path one day...

"THE MAN KNOWS NOTHING"!

2007-05-16T15:40:00.000Z

How can a man know what a woman's life is?
A woman's life is quite different from a man's.
God has ordered it so.
A man is the same from the time of circumcision to the time of his withering.
He is the same before he has sought out a woman for the first time,
and afterwards.
But the day a woman enjoys her first love cuts her in two.
She becomes another woman on that day,
The man is the same after his first love as he was before.
The woman is from the first day of her first love another.
That continues all through life.
The man spends a night by a woman and goes away.
His life and body are always the same.
The woman conceives.
As a mother she is another person than the woman without a child.
She carries the fruit of her womb for nine long months in her body.
Something grows.
Something grows into her life that never again departs from it.
She is a mother.
She is and remains a mother even though her child dies,
though all her children die.
For at one time she carried the child under her heart.
And it does not go out of her heart ever again.
Not even when it is dead.
All this the man does not know;
he knows nothing!

2007-05-16T15:35:00.000Z

"Whenever I hear old chronicles of love,
it's age old pain,
It's ancient tale of being apart or together."

How to Handle an Emotional Attack

2007-05-16T13:02:00.000Z

Psycis says:
"One of the most painful experiences a person can have is being emotionally attacked.
First of all, it is important to recognize this for what it is.
Being punched in the nose is obvious - we know we have been attacked.

With emotions, it is more subtle and more painful."
And it leaves us with a lot of questions.
When is it an emotional attack?
Do you feel sick to your stomach? Is your heart beating fast? Are you shaky or uncomfortable?
Your body's reaction is the first sign that you've been emotionally attacked.

Mystic says,
"Listen to your body. Whether it is a coworker, stranger, a relative or your own marriage partner, the feeling is the same - discomfort.
Even if the words are seemingly helpful and kind, an emotional attack is an attempt to take away your power and it will not feel good.
The moment you feel these inexplicable and unwelcome feelings, listen to them.

"Why does it hurt?An emotional attack usually takes us by surprise and comes from someone we have trusted (which is why it is so powerful).

Like a physical attack, an emotional attack can occur in the heat of the moment or it can be premeditated.
It leaves an emotional wound that can take many weeks, months and even years to heal.
Deal and heal Mystic says,
"Distance yourself from the situation and person. Reflect on what is going on, and most importantly do not ever doubt yourself."
More often than not, you will want to work out why you have been emotionally attacked to see if there was something you may have done to deserve this abuse.

Stop right there!

No one deserves to be emotionally attacked.
If you trust your intuition about being wronged, it's the first step toward healing.
Do I confront them?
After you have had time to reflect on what is going on,
Mystic says,
"Address the person directing this energy towards you. If they deny it or tell you it's in your head,
know that this is a defense mechanism they are using.
If a person cares for you,
they will apologize for making you feel bad and they will not do it again!"

If they do not apologize, this may be someone you don't want in your life.
I still feel bad!
An emotional attack can result in feelings of heartbreak, betrayal and sadness, which can take a very long time to fade.
After it happens, it can sometimes be hard to trust people again!
If the attack has resulted in the severing of a relationship (platonic or romantic), you may go through all the feelings of a break-up.
Give yourself time to heal.

Part of loving and offering your friendship to others can also open you to emotional attack by those who are unworthy of you.
As we go through life, we become more adept at discerning, but not immune to, those who may abuse our trust.
The only safeguard is to honor the self.
As Mystic says,
"When we truly honor ourselves, we are safe from emotional attacks. Meditating on this truth and integrating this mantra into our being is our own inner safeguard, protection and natural right as a human being."

Distance yourself emotionally....
"If you are emotionally attacked, try to remain as calm as possible by staying centered emotionally,"
psychics advises.
"It may help to try and distance yourself emotionally and realize that when someone is attacking you emotionally,
the issue is often times more about the other person than you.
In other words, the other party may be having a bad day or have insecurities about themselves that they are projecting onto you.
If you can look at them as people who are reacting from their own emotional baggage, then it will not have as big of an effect on you and maybe no effect at all."

GAZAL...

2007-05-05T05:18:00.000Z

JOOSTAJU JISKI THI

JOOSTUJU JISKE THI USKO TOH NA PAYA HUMNE,

ISS BAHANE SE MAGAR DHEKH LIYA DUNIYA HUMNE

JOOSTUJU JISKI THI......[2]

TUJHKO RUSWA NA KIYA [2]

KHUD BHI PASHEMAN NA HUE

ISHK KI RASM KO ISS TEREH NIBHAYA HUMNE [2]

JUSTUJU JISKI THI USKO TOH....

KAB MILI THI, KAHAN BICHADI THI [2]

HUMEIN YAAD NAHI..

ZINDAGI TUJHKO TOH [2]

BASS KHWAB MEIN DEKHA HUMNE[2]

JUSTUJU JISKI THI....

AAI KHUDA [2]

AUR SUNAYE BHI TOH KYA KHYAL APNA?

UMRA KA LUMBA SAFAR [2]

TAY KIYA, TANHA HUMNE [2]

JOOSTAJU JISKI THI USKO TOH NA PAAYA HUMNE

ISS BAHANE SE MAGAR DEKH LI DUNIYA HUMNE!

JOOSTAJU JISKI THI....

TOMARROW

2007-05-03T17:52:00.000Z

My soul stood up today and said:
Your heart is full of sorrow.

I know, I said,
Joy left me yesterday and said
She will be back tomorrow.

It seems to be the fate of man to seek all his consolations in futurity. The time present is seldom able to fill desire or imagination with immediate enjoyment, and we are forced to supply its deficiencies by recollection or anticipation.

~ Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

CAVE

2007-05-03T17:51:00.001Z

Within my cave at night I sit
And light the lantern of my wit
To cogitate upon my ways
And solve the riddles of my days.

Beneath the cave a casket lies,
With precious hopes and dreams inside.

To dig it out, one needs the zeal
One used to have when life was real.

2007-05-03T17:38:00.001Z

Carnation fragrance
amid the ruins calms her
but sadness remains

2007-05-03T17:37:00.001Z

In her cloudless eyes
the radiance of resistance
enduringly glows

Constantly searching

2007-05-03T17:33:00.001Z

Despite The Bleakness
For things of beauty

constantly am I searching

despite the bleakness

Live...Life...Love....

2007-04-19T19:27:00.000Z

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.

You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

How unfair!?

2007-04-19T19:26:00.000Z

Isn't life so unfair? You turn out to love someone who could not love you just the same, but still you continue loving because you hope things will end up fine, but it wouldn't. You cry, you feel bad, you end up broken. You want to hurt that person but by doing so you hurt yourself more! Still that person doesn't care...

Why does love exist? to make us happy for a minute or to hurt us for the rest of our life? Funny it is to realize that before it ends, you'll find yourself thinking that you still want to return to whom your heart belongs.

((Song in Hindi))

2007-04-19T18:34:00.000Z

NA JANE KYUN

Na janekyun hota hai ye zindagi ke sath

Achanak ye mann, kisi ke jane ke baad

kare phir uski yaad,

choti-choti si baat..

Na jane kyun....{2}

Jho anjaan pal,dhal gaye kal

Aaj woh, rang badal -badal,

mann ko machal-machal

rahe hai chal,

Na jane kyun......

woh anjaan pal....

Saje bina mere nayeno mein,

Toote re hai re sapno ke mahal

Na jane kyun.....

Wohi hai dagar,wohi hai safar,

magar hai nahi,

saath hai nahi abb mera humsafar,

dhondhe nazar idhar -udhar

Wohi hai dagar.......

Kahan gayi shaame,

madbhari....woh mere din gaye kidhar?

Na jane kyun...hota hai ye zindagi ke saath,

Achaanak ye mann,

kisis ke jane ke baad kare phir uski yaad,

choti-choti si baat...

Na jane kyun....????

WHEN I MUST LEAVE YOU

2007-04-14T15:28:00.000Z

When i must leave you

for a while,

Please do not grieve

and shed wild tears

And hug your sorrow

to you through the years,

But start out bravely

with a gallant smile;

And for my sake

and in my name

Live on and do

all things the same,

Feed not your loneliness

on empty days,

But fill each waking hour

in useful ways,

Reach out your hand

in comfort and in cheer

And i in turn will comfort you

and hold you near;

And never, never

be afraid to die,

For i am waiting

for you in the sky!

Everyone NeedsSomeone!

2007-04-14T14:53:00.000Z

People need people
andfriends need friends,
and we all ned love
For a full life depends
not on vast riches
or a great acclaim,

Not on success
or a wordly fame,
But just in knowing
that someone cares
and holds us close
in their thoughts and prayers-

For only the knowledge
that we're understood
Makes everyday living
feel wonderfully good,
And we rob ourseelves
of life's greatest need

When we' lockup our hearts'
and fail to heed
The outstretched hand
reaching to find
A kindered spirit
whose heart and mind
are lovely and longing
to somehow share
our joys and sorrows
and to make us aware

That life's completeness
and richness depends
On things we share
with our loved ones and friends.

"Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime"

Sequencer Unknown Recorded by Dean Martin

Sometimes....

2007-04-14T09:34:00.000Z

"Sometimes, to do what's RIGHT,

we have to be ready and give up

the thing we want the most...

even our dreams."

THE MASK

2007-04-13T20:39:00.000Z

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth.
You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else.
Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't.
You take certain things for granted,
even when you know you should never take anything for granted."

"A tension of opposites.
And most of us live somewhere in the middle."
"Which side wins?"

"Love wins. Love always wins."

Reading these phrases somehow reminds me of the time when I was still wearing a mask. Trying hard to be somebody that I am not just to please people around me, to meet their expectations, to do things that they perceive ‘right’ for me, to be what they think everybody should be doing. At times, I would have to laugh at jokes I don’t think funny at all just because other people laugh. I would have to smile when they are making funny or cynical comments on people like me, yet deep inside my heart was hurt.
Had their expectations of me were the same as my own expectations, things would’ve been much easier. But this is life, it is not supposed to be easy.
I was so tired of doing what majority ‘herd’ do just as to be regarded as part of the group. There were moments when I wanted to cry out loud what was really inside my heart, what I really think and my idealism, yet I failed to do so because I was afraid to be rejected, afraid that I would hurt the people I love. In a way, I have let others dictated me how I should lead my life.
You can imagine how stressful life was back then: living in denials, leading a double-standard life, telling lies to people around you, and worse… to yourself. There were times when I tried hard to believe that what is good for others is also good for me. But my heart struggled and ached.
It’s like stepping on two boats at the same time. As time goes by, these two boats were drifting apart… further and further. If I didn’t want to get drowned, I had to decide quickly which boat I choose step on with my two feet: the crowded large and comfortable boat sailing along the river flow or the lonely small boat sailing against the river flow.
Most of the time, I would use my logic in making decisions. But this is about my life, so I followed my heart. I regarded living unhappy everyday is just as well as dying. Thus, instead of taking the major path our society has set, I walked my own path. I know that life will not be easy here and the end of the path is still unknown, but at least this is what I choose and most importantly I am happy doing it.
Taking off my mask now I see more clearly those who actually love me for who I really am, and those who used to love me for my mask.
Well, should I leave my trails for others to follow? I can’t promise anything beautiful at the end of my path. I personally still don’t know what’s lying ahead. But sometimes we worry too much on what is ‘in-the-end’, that we forget to enjoy the process of “getting-there”. So, I’ll just enjoy what’s ahead and already in front of me… Live for today, live for the present…

Watching The Same Stars

2007-04-13T20:34:00.000Z

At times, I would feel so lonely and apart from you,

Thinking you were so far away out of my reach,

But when I looked at the stars glittering in my balcony sky,

A wide smile would bridge these two favourite cheeks of yours,

Because I know we are actually not that far apart,

Because it is the same sky we are still sleeping under,

Because at that moment we are watching the same stars,

Miss you...

Panic Attack

2007-04-13T20:16:00.000Z

I sometimes have what I called as “Lonely Panic Attack”.
It’s a condition that hits me usually when I am on my own and have no activities to do.
I panic and feeling so lonely and empty inside (despite the number of great friends and supportive family members around me)…
feeling needy for the presence of that special person to fill the empty space in the heart…
desperate to love and to be loved…
In times like this, I would then re-evaluate again the path of life I’ve been living, and start re-considering any necessary changes to make my life better.
I’ve also seen examples from people around me, how harsh this “Lonely Panic Attack” can be.
It makes people on bending their criteria and re-writing their “Must Haves lists” in searching for the RIGHT partner.
People become more compromising to the attributes of their potential partners, and forming an attitude of “it’s better than nothing” or “rather than end up being ALONE for the rest of my life”.
Well, I’m not saying that it is wrong to settle for less.
After all, there are no such things as a “Perfect Partner” in life, there is only the RIGHT partner.

I once read a saying that said : “Instead of looking for a perfect person to love, one should learn to love the imperfect person perfectly.”

But then again, we should ask ourselves when we have the so-called Lonely Panic Attack: Are we really that needy / desperate?
To what extent should we compromise?
Why did we create our criteria or Must Haves list in the first place?
Aren’t they supposed to be our guidelines in searching for the RIGHT partner?

HINDI SONG

2007-04-13T17:39:00.000Z

BHOLI HUI YAADON

Bholi hui yaadon, mujhe itna na satao..
Abb chain se rehne do mere paas na aao..
Bhuli hui yaadon.......[2]

Daman mein liye baithi hoon,
Toote hue tare, toote hue tare[2]
Kabtak mai jeeyungi yuhi khwabon ke sahare [2]
Deewani hoon, abb aur na deewani banao...
Abb chain se rehne do, mere paas na aao...
Bhuli hui yaadon.....

Looto na mujhe iss tareh dau rahe pe lake..
daurahe pe lake...[2]
Aawaz na do, ek nairah dikhake [2]
Sambhalti hoon mai gir gir ke mujhe
Phir na girao...[2]
Abb chain se rehne do,
Mere paas na aao...

Bhooli hui yaadon, mujhe itna na satao
Abb chain se rehne do , mere paas na aao...
Bhooli hui yaadon......

Serinity prayer..

2007-04-13T17:28:00.000Z

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things
I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

"Exactly.. I've been worrying a LOT on things that I can't change.. never really realized it before.. "

Song By- Keane, Album-( Hopes and Fears)

2007-04-09T02:57:00.000Z

You say you wander your own land

But when I think about it

I don't see how you can

You're aching, you're breaking

And I can see the pain in your eyes

Says everybody's changing

And I don't know why

So little time

Try to understand that

I'm Trying to make a move

just to stay in the game

I try to stay awake

and remember my name

But everybody's changing

and I don't feel the same

You're gone from here

Soon you will disappear

Fading into beautiful light

'cos everybody's changing

And I don't feel right

So little time

Try to understand that

I'm Trying to make a move

just to stay in the game

I try to stay awake

and remember my name

But everybody's changing

and I don't feel the same

So little time

Try to understand that

I'm Trying to make a move

just to stay in the game

I try to stay awake

and remember my name

But everybody's changing

and I don't feel the same !!!_______________________________________________________________________

Pleasant surprises...

2007-04-04T14:37:00.000Z

How come you get treated to pleasant surprises when you least expect them, at times you most need to - mentally - get away from everything that makes up your daily life?
This has kept happening to me several times in the past few months, specially when things seemed hopeless and very bad.... Maybe there is someone up their who watches over us and doesnt let..testing and trying times...exceed more than we can handle or cope with i guess....Just enough for us...to wakeup and learn something out of it...or to become strong or whatever..!
Can call it fate, destiny, some higher force OUT THERE ... or whatever...one wants...but i feel....he does help us...when we let out a genuien cry from within, from the depths of heart!
Anyway...whatever...its nice when that happens to you, coz makes you feel...YES i am loved by God and he hasnt forgotten me; and can hear my cries!!!

Made It Through The Rain..[song]

2007-04-04T08:00:00.001Z

We dreamers have our ways

Of facing rainy days

And somehow we survive.

We keep the feelings warm

Protect them from the storm

Until our time arrives

.Then one day the sun appears

And we come shining through those lonely years.

I made it through the rain

I kept my world protected

I made it through the rain

I kept my point of view.

I made it through the rain

And found myself respected

By the others who got rained on too

And made it through.

When friends are hard to find

And life seems so unkind

Sometimes you feel so afraid

Just aim beyond the clouds,

and rise above the crowds

And start your own parade.

'Cause when I chased my fears away

That's when I knew that I could finally say.

I made it through the rain

I kept my world protected

I made it through the rain

I kept my point of view.

I made it through the rain

And found myself respected

By the others who got rained on too

And made it through.

I hate changes!

2007-04-04T07:59:00.000Z

I can't help but say it bluntly: I hate changes!!! I guess everybody does to some extent but.. today I learned about one more change that is about to happen and I am not at all happy about it ...
Why can't some things just stay the same (or get better) instead of getting worse?
Just one small thing in years that I really wanted for myself, for my sanity, and I am not even granted this little favor ...
I guess I hate changes as much as not knowing what the future (at least concerning certain key aspects) may have in store for me ... (even though, I have to admit, sometimes it can be nice not to know what is just around the corner ...)
I just hope that despite this huge change that is about to happen, not everything will break down. Let's just hope that what keeps me going will still factor in some way or another ...''
I know that earlier i was talking about how everything happens for a reason ... but ... i just can't think positive right now ... am way too anxious and worried about everything and feel too much like crying ... !

Thinking about it for a while ... I guess there even IS an explanation why I seem to increasingly hate changes ... I guess the older I get....and hopefully wiser..!:-)the fewer people I meet who really enrich my life.. ! You know, smart - sometimes even brilliant - people with a sense of humor whose company you really enjoy and appreciate ...... ?And I guess it is just human to want to hold on to these few people who you think irreplaceable and precious enough to want to keep around ...

What A Few Minitues Of Conversation Can Do..To You!

2007-04-03T19:36:00.000Z

Have always been amazed at what a few minutes you spend talking to someone nice can do to you even if - and maybe especially when ... - your day was a complete disaster!
I think I've had more than my share of disastrous days in the past few months ... maybe years ... and if it hadn't been for the few people in my life who are actually nice to me whenever I see them I don't know what would have happened. I guess they have saved my sanity so far .....
Having said this, one can only imagine what pleasant and long conversations can do to some people ... for me, they are something like magic ,curing my soul until the next disastrous day comes along ...

Remembering so many things..!

2007-04-03T14:24:00.000Z

You know, it's weird how I have been remembering so many things from the past couple of years lately ... Songs, images, places, people ... or all of them linked in some way.
I think I tend to remember things like songs much more than people as such because on the one hand I do associate certain songs with certain people who I care(d) about ... and on the other hand there is no reason for me to remember many people since most of those I care about do still figure in my life in some way!

Some people leave Deep Impacts !

2007-03-31T14:23:00.000Z

It's amazing how some people can have a rather inexplicable effect on you ... I've noticed this myself several times in the past few years and I have never stopped wondering why.
I don't know if you know the feeling when, for instance, somebody enters a room, thus changing the whole atmosphere of it in a way you can feel without even seeing the person enter. Or someone glances at you in a particular way or - when talking to you - has this intense look in his eyes that you just can't break away from and the world around you seems to fade out ...
Anyways, I remember meeting a few people who have had that effect on me in different places all over the world.
Anyhow, even though I have become older (probably not wiser in any way but at least older :-) and increasingly able to analyze my life - whether this is good or bad I don't know ... - I just can't track down the reason why certain people have such an effect on us.
Not finding a logical answer to this "riddle" pretty much bugs me but ... Should I maybe just stop analyzing everthing I can't explain and simply enjoy it? I guess that would be an option, wouldn't it? ... and I have to admit that I have recently caught myself living for the moment ... you know ... every now and then ... maybe this is what age is all about;-)

Feeling split in half!

2007-03-31T12:22:00.000Z

It's weird how you can feel extremely happy and extremely sad at the same time... It's like being split in half emotionally ... and it's hard to know how to deal with that... It's kind of like feeling caught in between something you have but don't want anymore and something you want but (probably) can't have. I felt like that a few times in the past and I am still wondering how I got out of it ...
Unlike some months ago I am no longer wondering about how you are supposed to know what you really want ... now my question is rather how to get where you want, and honestly....i have surrendered to the almighty now; and i know he will take care of everybody and evrything,and nothing happens in this life without a reason..
One thing is clear, though: in a way, you gotta be your own fortune's planner because destiny won't just knock on your door like that. However, unfortunately there is still the difference between knowing where you want to go and actually finding a way to get there ... !
Some time ago..i remember watching some movie and i couldnt help but be impressed by this movie about these two people who - despite their "relationships" - are both unhappy when they meet, become friends and end up finding happiness in each other despite their unfortunate pasts.

I especially loved the scenes where they were strolling and doing things they had never done before,just simply having fun together, and finally finding what they've been looking for for a long time!
It's pretty impressive how a woman who was pretty unhappy in a way, could find joy and happiness because of a person she had just met. However, I guess in this case, this person being a handsome, clever, blue-eyed man certainly helped;-)
Actually, this was not really off-topic after all ... I mean, the herion of the movie was her own fortune's architect, in a way, because she actually frees herself of the cage she built for herself. ...
I can somehow understand how she felt and I wonder what actually made her capable of freeing herself ... !?
I think it might have been the hero of the movie and the man she had met,but I'm not (yet) completely sure ...

POSTING MY COMMENT TO ONE OF MY REAL CRITIQUE!

2007-03-31T09:45:00.001Z

THIS IS A REPLY/ANSWER TO A COMMENT I HAD RECEIVED, AGAIN FROM AN ANNONUMOUS PERSON....IN RESPONSE TO THE ARTICLE I HAD POSTED ON A WOMAN'S WORTH! ANYONE IS WELCOME AND FREE TO SEE/VIEW THE ORIGINAL COMMENT POSTED IN THE COMMENT SECTION AT THE END OF THE PREVIOUS ARTICLE. :-)

I feel everyhuman being is priceless and pretious..and divine gift from God and have holy, divine qualities in themselves also; yet they fail to realize it...or get diverted..distracted from the real truth...and therefore they seek recognition or appreciation from outside sources..or other people rather! Its so ironic....we have everything within us...including alot of Bliss deep down inside...and we search here there and everywhere! Now comming to the point...sometimes..our society puts certain rules and regulations...which is created by "us" people only mind you...to fit in a certain bill or creteria of something....and if we dont happen to..in the so called 'normal' terms...we are labeled, ridiculed or looked down upon, whether it be a male or a female! So we creat our own norms terms and principles , morals in our own mind/head to go by..live by through in life..Now unfortunatly...somehow sadly in the asian part of the world women are still..made to feel slightly inferiour to men, and are subdude surpressed for example in whatever way.A small example is...when it comes to say divorce settelment for whatever reason....its the norm to give and ask for allominie abroad...and its the done thing..! And in the US for example..every States has different rules and regulations on that too; but..still a husband is supposed to give some financial aid..etc..etc..whatever...BUT sadly in an asian country...a women is made to feel.." that she is greedy, or too demanding" ..for something that she has a RIGHT over even!!!! If one takes responsibility of you for several years...dont u have the right to even question what will happen once the person has fallen out of the relationship or say is divorced!? What will happen to the X then? Will she be on theroad? Does she have to be made to feel guilty for asking for something that she rightfully should get...to live and survive on ...say for example in the worst scenario...she is not working or is not financially indipendant!?? Or does one really expect her to go back to living a life of a child or teenager/.student in running back to her parents all of a sudden!!!???Its very sad how women till this day in the developing countries of the world..have to feel that kind of guilt...when they demand something that they already have right over! why are they made to feel beggars all of a sudden???So u see in this situation one has no choice left but to demand their right! Its called 'JUSTICE' being 'FAIR' and EQUAL ! getting the equal amount of respect...from the very male dominant society...who think and consider themselves to be superior and above everything else!And Judging from your comments...Mr Anonymous...i think and am gussing you must be a male .. :-0 correct??? As your comment itself sounds very biased towards...the article i published Regurding...how much women are worth..and for men to read! Ha ha...whatever...its true what you say...but then its the very men that degrade a woman, make her feel inferiour..otherwise...why would such slogans and aricles be published..in the first place!??Also i would like to bring to your notice...although women abroad have much liberty..and freedom into and over everything...yet its ironice...that one of the worlds most...popular and leading cosmetic brand..L'Oreal...has women [mostly cilebrities also take a note!] saying this punchlines and the main slogan for the product!!! "BECAUSE IM WORTH IT, OR YOURE WORTH IT" whatever...!!!Everytime a man fails to recognize the potential and capacity of a woman, or does not give her the rightful respect she deserves as any human being should...there will be more and more writeups..and articles published like these and brought to notice! And more and more products...will come out with such sort of slogans with women being in the scene or role! ;-) As for selling themselves..is concerned ...you ask yrself...doesnt almost every commercial or product's marketing or sales...in a commercial for example have women in it!!!??? Even sports car and sexy women desplaying them go synonemous! So you see..........not everything can be done by men alone...despite having all the power, money, fame prestige..whatever..And last but not least...You must have heard the saying..'BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL MAN, IS A WOMAN'.? Now...but if u swist her, tearher apart, treat her like garbage, dump her, illtreat and misuse her, ortake her for granted..like its been shown in this writeup...THE VERY OPPOSITE CAN HAPPEN TOO!!! Rub a woman the wrong way...and she can destroy you, ruien you too!

KALI AND DURGA OUR GODDESS'S OF POWER AND SHAKTI AFTER ALL,AND THEY WERENT INVENTED FOR NO REASON AT ALL U KNOW!!!!

In our country....even a humble COW is worshipped..like a goddess, a divinity...! So does she demand it? or ask for it? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..........BECAUSE SHE DESERVES IT! Being a mother, feeding your child your own milk,[which is so healthy and nutrious for various reasons known now] raising your child to become a good human being, strong and healthy individual..in society..caring and supporting in them in everyway...is a GOOD ENOUGH REASON to say WE ARE WORTH IT!!! And why do we have to remind men...??? Simple....coz they FORGET AND TAKE US FOR GRANTED!The day our society wakes up...to realize that deep down inside...there is no male or female, there is no gender difference, their is no fight or struggle for trying to be superior or win and be the stroger better one; that deep down inside...we are all one! We are spirits,souls, pure energy and bliss, part of the supreme...itself..!!! Aatma is part of Paramaatma only right?!Then i am sure....there would be no need for such writeups where we have to PROOVE our worth to others!!! We are all unique and beautiful individuals in our own way; and we are all one and part of the same lifeforce/God...and in his eyes........EVERYBODY IS PRICELESS, AND NOBODY HAS TO PROOVE ANYTHING TO HIM! NOBODY HAS TO EARN ANY CREDITS OR BROWNIE POINTS FOR ANYTHING! AND WE DONT HAVE TO "EARN ANYTHING" AS U HAD PUT IT....FOR HIM AS WE ARE ALL EQUAL TO HIM; WE ARE ALL ONE; NOBODY IS BIGGER OR STRONGER OR WISER...WE ARE ALL HIS CHILDREN, NOMATTER WHERE WE COME FROM, HOW WE ARE BROUGHT UP,TO HIM ALL THIS IS OF NO CONCERN! WE ARE ALL HIS CHILDREN AND HE LOVES US EQUALLY!

Cheers! Have a nice day/night! whatever... :-)

Something well said, and For all the guys to ponder on!

2007-03-28T05:48:00.000Z

I have again copied this from a forwarded mail sent to me from one of my female friends....and i think its really worth...shring with the rest of you!!!

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question, "What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking,
"Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, he said, "Yes.

"She began to expound... As a woman in this day and age,
I am in a position to ask a man what can he do for me that I can't do for myself.
I pay my own bills;
I take care of my household without the help of any man. I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.
She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money.

I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said,
"I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need* conversation and mental stimulation*. I don't need a simple-minded man.
I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.
I need a man who is* striving for perfection financially* because I don't need a financial burden.
I am looking for someone who is* sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but is strong enough to keep me grounded.*
I am looking for someone who* I can respect*. In order to be > submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business.
I have no problem* being submissive*...he just* has to be worthy*.*
God made woman to be a helpmate for man.* I can't help a man if he can't help himself.
When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a
puzzled look on his face. He said, "You're asking a lot."

She! replied,* "I'm worth a lot."*

This goes out to every woman who's worth a lot! And to every man who needs to know!

CHEERS! :-)

Forrest Gump Goes To Heaven....!!

2007-03-26T05:04:00.000Z

I have copied and pasted this from a forwarded messege ....sent to me in my email....Thought it was really cute! and therefore had to share!!!!

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.

"St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers"

Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter "T"?

Shucks, that one is easy. That would be 'Today' and 'Tomorrow'.

"The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asked St. Peter.

"How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'"

Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd......"

"Hold it," interrupts St.Peter. "I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?

"Sure," Forrest replied, "it's Andy."

"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. "Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it from the song:

"ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.

"St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: "Run, Forrest, run."

**********************

Give me a sense of humor, Lord.
Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And to pass it on to other folks.

ABOUT MY BLOG..[wish it was different! wish i was different!]

2007-03-22T08:17:00.000Z

It's something I often think about. When we write we know that others are going to read it, and I enjoy the thought that others might enjoy my blog- especially when I have interesting topics or advice to give and also for the fact that i appriciate if ppl leave their frank and honest comments ; it helps me to realize what other people's point of view also!
But...very often I think, I won't write this or that, no-one will want to read that, or how sad will this make me sound..or how depressing...and yet if it feels right and honest, then I do write it, because I think..this blog is me, I am not editing out simply on the grounds of 'What will people think?' I edit on what I decide is not appropriate to share, or what I do not want to share, as we all do.

But..I wish my blog was different. I wish I had more to say about Life rather than my life. I wish I had more to say about the strength i had gained from within , a few months back due to various "selfimprovement" courses i did! I used to write about it, speak about it..., give examples to others, tell and relate the whole beautiful experiences i had gained out of them !
I wish my blog didn't reveal someone of my age still stumbling around being self obsessed..I was more together and more mature back then, then now; i feel i have slipped back...I guess the stress and tensions in my life have slowly killed my spirit.....and the will and urge to continue some of the practises, simple excersises i was tought , the life saving advice i used to receive; has dissapeared somewhere or sunk deep down below .... and lack of time, plus exaustion and low prana /energy levels are some of the reasons for this!

My friends tell me I am fun, creative, canbeoutgoing, sociable,[if i want to, ofcourse depending on the kind of ppl and crowd i am in touch with!] and am capable....of so many many things....! Yet I am also vulnerable, emotional ,mixed up, cry a lot and can get back into my shell....if lack of encouragment, motivation and moral support from my loved and dear ones, family and friends!
Why oh why? And like I said, I don't think my blog....must be anything like interesting .... As my blog is me, and only full of me and my woes!
I feel that...why should anyone even want to visit or even read some of the stuff here......of a total stranger they dont know!??? Must be so boaring...i guess.
And if someone ...occassionally does drop in and leaves a comment ; i feel obliged and grateful...and happy.....that at least someone took the trouble to try and understand me!!!!!????

2007-03-22T07:56:00.000Z

“There are more people who wish to be loved
than there are who are willing to love.”

2007-03-22T07:53:00.000Z

The Trouble with Non-Committal Relationships..!

2007-03-20T17:45:00.000Z

Here are the top 10 lessons I’ve learned from this one:

10 Never settle for less than you deserve.

9 Take responsibility for your actions.

8 Communication is key. Without it you’re left to make assumptions, which only cause trouble.

7 Everyone has baggage, but avoid people who still riffle through those bags on a regular basis.

6 You can’t expect people to alter their plans just because they love you. It’s more about meeting the right person at the right time, or meeting someone that wants to make it work despite it being the wrong time.

5 But even more importantly it’s about being open and honest- with yourself and the other person- about what you want.

4 Game playing isn’t always intentional, but it sucks all the same.

3 with your heart is overrated. If a situation seems complicated, romanticising it makes matters worse.

2 Don’t say things you don’t mean and always follow through.

1 It’s better to burn out than to fade away.

What Does It Mean?

2007-03-18T19:14:00.000Z

I’ve come to realise I have a bizarrely high tolerance for selfish people. Maybe it’s how passionate they are about their interests or maybe its how much they love themselves…which often means they’re completely uninterested in anyone else, which is annoying, right? You’d think so. Instead I find it a challenge and I work harder to prove my worth or I feed off their passion to uncover inspiration of my own. But sometimes you get to a point where you think, “wait a second… why am I wasting my time?”
What do I want? Good question. Until I can properly explain it, I've decided to keep it to myself.

I have to Change!

2007-03-18T19:07:00.000Z

I am always slightly preoccupied with hating myself....
And this is why I cried today... ...i have got to get past this.
So many things are changing for me now and i feel like I'm finally ready to realise my own potential. To stop sabotaging my own happiness. To focus on loving myself for who I am, and not trying to seek out some random thing/person that is going to make me better, cooler, more interesting. To not waste a second more loving people that make me feel inadequate. I seek out and waste absurd amounts of time trying to fix other people in the vain attempt that they'll help me realise my self-worth. Sometimes they make me feel great, other times they hurt me and make me feel terrible. But hey, its not them now is it? Its me!
From this point forward no one decides how I feel about myself except for me.
So in the words of "Rosie.... i will spend absolutely NO more time on people that have or continue to hurt me"!
It only reminds me of the "me" that I don't like.
From this point forward I am no longer the person you knew yesterday or even this morning for that matter. I'm only focusing on the things I like about myself and working on changing the things I don't.
Being a caring person is one of the things I like. Wasting time on idiots is one of the things I don't like. Being ambitious and having lots of ideas-I like. Giving up before I even try-I don't like.This isn't going to be a cake walk i know ; and that is why I cried.
I cried because I'm going to change...and change is scary.
But I've stopped crying because change is exciting, too.. I've crashed and burned...I'll probably make mistakes, all over again, several times..perhaps i'll probably fall; but this time I'm just going to get right back up again and not look back.

These Songs...

2007-03-12T04:53:00.000Z

These songs, which are with love and passion fashioned,
Which from the springs of wisdom love to drink,
Will always those who harbour malice sting.
These songs, which from the heart sincerely spring,
Will joy to those who bear no envy bring.

For with my singing
I can make
A refuge for my spirit's sake.

~ Sara Teasdale (1884-1933)

Again a song....

2007-03-12T04:32:00.000Z

"I'M WITH YOU"

I'm standing on the bridge
I'm waiting in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now..
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound

Isn't anyone trying to find me
wont somebody come take me home?

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
wont you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are but...i
I'm with you.....

I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here i know
Coz nothing's going right
And everything's a mess
And noone likes to be alone!

Isn't anyone trying to find me
Wont somebody take me home?

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are but..i
I'm with you....
I'm with you....!

Why is everything so confusing?
Maybe im just out of my mind.....
Yeah.....yea......

Its damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are but ..i
I'm with you.......

IM WITH YOU..............

TOMARROW..

2007-03-08T15:45:00.000Z

It seems to be the fate of man to seek all his consolations in futurity. The time present is seldom able to fill desire or imagination with immediate enjoyment, and we are forced to supply its deficiencies by recollection or anticipation.

~ Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

My soul stood up today and said:
Your heart is full of sorrow.
I know, I said,
Joy left me yesterday and said
She will be back tomorrow.

by Saleh Badra

I AM A WOMAN

2007-03-06T19:22:00.000Z

Nobody can guess

What I say when I am silent,

Whom I see when I close my eyes,

How I am carried away when I am carried away,

What I search for when I stretch out my hands.

Nobody, nobody knows

When I am hungry,

when I take a journey,

When I walk, and when I am lost.

And nobody knows

That my going is a return

And my return is an abstention,

That my weakness is a mask

And my strength is a mask,

And that what is coming is a tempest.

They think they know

And I let them think so,

And I speak.

They put me in a cage so that

My freedom may be a gift from them,

And I have to thank them and obey.

But I am free before them,

after them,With them, without them.

I am free in my suppression,

in my defeat.

My prison is what I want!

The key to the prison may be their tongue,

But their tongue is twisted

around my desire's fingers,

And my desire they can never command.

I am a woman.

They think they own my freedom.

I let them think so,

And I speak.

by Joumana Haddad (b. 1970)

I love this poem, think its is wonderful ! It captures the essence of what a woman is all about!!!!

So powerful and profound!

Like a Pearl...

2007-03-05T16:02:00.000Z

Like a pearl inside a shell,

Deeply sheltered in the deep,

Deeply deep within my heart,

You, O soother of my grief,

Are so fixedly embedded.

My Sunday....[wish it was fun-day everyday!]

2007-03-04T21:40:00.000Z

Didn't feel like doing anything today, except sleepingin, lazying around,

and just taking it easy; trying to catch my breath, slowing down the pace of life, and ...well basically "unwinding" after what seemed like ages!!!!

Have to admit....after running around like a crazy woman on days on end, with signs of stress on the face ,pain in the body and fear/anxiety in the eyes and stading on the edge of life, trying to keep abrest in the ratrace to stive ahead...and achieve everything;

Today..................felt like a true Blessing!

Sometimes....its nice to be able to be with your own company and not have people around to watch you or keep a watch on you! Its nice to be able to not have tobe answerable to anyone but yourself!

Had a nice relaxing..............laid back sunday today for sure! :-)

Relaxation!

2007-03-04T15:50:00.000Z

What is this life if,
We have no time to stand and stare?

A simple, cozy hut,
In a calm, secluded, misty glen,
With winding brooks and waterfalls,
With shady trees and bushes green,
Where the air is fresh and clean,
Refreshed with floral fragrance-
No struggle, no contention,
No tension or pretension,
Ah...how my heart longs for
That rosie life, my dream world,
That lives in my imagination..
Where there is no stress,
Turmoil of any sorts
Where life is not a struggle
But just full of Relaxation
Relaxation.....

Digging...

2007-03-03T15:31:00.000Z

Keep digging, O my soul, and pay no heed
To what the minds of shallow men may breed.
Within the self, and nowhere else indeed,
The secret mines of golden wisdom lie.

Digging
by Saleh Badrah

Communication is key.....!!!

2007-02-27T20:45:00.000Z

Communication is much more than words. Words are merely fingers pointing the direction to understanding -- they are not understanding itself.
To really communicate with someone, we have to allow ourselves, just for a moment, to become that other person.
When we do this, we begin to be able to see beyond the masks that hide what another person is really feeling.
When we take the time to really see others, we may discover they are frightened, timid people longing for understanding.
When we get beyond reacting to their outward behavior and move toward viewing their inner selves, it is much easier to extend a hand of friendship, to say we care, and truly mean it.

SEPERATE PARTS...

2007-02-27T20:40:00.000Z

Trying to control and change the people around us creates great problems in our relationships.
When people we love are expressing themselves, we're thinking about what we wish they would say, and it blocks us from hearing clearly. A need for safety and for a guarantee that we won't be abandoned urges us to manipulate the people we love.
We know we have innocent motives. We say we only want what is best and that we are only trying to protect ourselves or be helpful.
But we hide from the effects our actions have on our relationships.
We seem to be more trapped in these self-centered behaviors with the ones we are closest to.
We can change ourselves by slowly releasing our security grip on others.
We can focus more on understanding what others are saying to us than on changing how they think and feel.
Intimacy is clearly seeing each other and knowing the differences as well as the similarities. It requires that both people be allowed to walk on separate paths.

People are lonely because they build walls

instead of bridges.

-- Joseph Fort Newton

How Does It Feel?

2007-02-26T20:03:00.000Z

I'm not afraid of anything,
Just need to know that i can breath..
I dont need much of anything....
But suddenly, suddenly....
I'm small and the world is big...
All around me is fast moving
I'm surrounded by so many things....
But suddenly,suddenly...

How does it feel to be different from me

How does it feel...are we the same...?

I am young and i am weak,' And i get tired,
I get lost and i cant sleep...
But suddenly ,suddenly, suddenly
How does it feel to be differnet from me..
Are we still the same....?

Would you catch my hand?

I'm small and the world is big
But i am not afraid of anything
How does it feel to be different from me

How doen it feel? You're different from me ?
How does it feel.......the difference from me!?

MY HAPPY ENDING [the song]

2007-02-25T20:11:00.000Z

Dont feel like writing much as i feel...sorf of numb today, and i know i wouldnt be able to put the correct words, express my feelings the right way....hence i'm just going to take the help of some songs....that i like, and that somehow seem to relate to what i am feeling or feel from inside at this point of time, therefoe struck a cord with me, and touch me as are direct reflections of the inner rumbblings/rabblings of my brian/mind/thoughts...call it whatever.

This one is by- Avri Lavigne.

And its called....

MY HAPPY ENDING

So much for my happy ending......
Lets talk this over, its not like we're dead,
Was it something i did? was it something you said.....
Don't leave me hanging in a city so dead,
held up so high I'm such unbreakable thread,

You were all the things i thought i knew;
and i thought we could be............

You were everything, everything that i wanted,
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it.....
How can a memory so close to me,
Just fade away..................

All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending......
So much for my happy ending......!

You've got your dumb friends,
I know what they say............,
They tell you I'm difficult,
But so are they...................!
But they dont know me,
Do they even know you?
All the things that you hide
from me,
All the shit that you do......

You were all the things i though i knew,
And i thought we could be..............

You were everything, everything that i wanted,
we were mant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it..........
And a memory so close to me,
Just fades a way.......

All this time you you were just pretending,
So much for my happy ending.......!

Its nice to know that you were there,
Thanks for acting like you cared..
Making me feel like i was the only one.....
Its nice to know we had it all,
thanks for watching as i fall.......

He was everything, everything that i wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it......
How can a memory so close to me,
Just fade away.......?

All this time you were pretending,
So much for my Happy ending.......!!!!!

Self Realization..

2007-02-25T19:50:00.000Z

Today i just realized that my life is a joke at the expense of everyone,
Maybe i ought to paint my face , like the face of a clown,
So that noone knows how i look, or feel from inside.

In search of the perfect mask to hide my emotions...

Painted feelings on my face

just like a mask in its place

not seeing throught my tears

pretending I have no fears

Fade away little girl

finding my place in this world

going into twists and turns

no knowing how much truth burns..

2007-02-25T19:22:00.000Z

I'm tired of being what you want me to be!

-->

How it Ended...

2007-02-25T18:12:00.000Z

My relationship was long and took a while to finally die. we were together as life partners and lovers for a total 8 yrs. Long story short we drifted apart, wanted different things and had different priorties. people change and its not anyone's fault. we met ,fell in love,[at least thought we both did!] and eventually tied the knot! It just took too much work to make each other happy and it seemed liked we were never happy together for long periods of time. we would talk and tried things, but it wasn't coming naturally. we couldn't seem to give each other the happiness we once shared. we both deserved better. Ultitmately even before we could decide anything, FATE decided it was best that we parted. One fine day it just ...happened...what can i say...*sigh*. we often talked like adults, but cried like children. the last few months have been hard. we both knew, and now know what we had to do,have to do, but no one wanted to do it. looking back, the last year or so, we were living on the memory of what we had rather than what we have, moreso...neither of us had the courage to take the first step, and we constantly had the fear/scare of what it would do to our dear child, how it would effect him etc etc, more than anything else! I guess thats the very reason....we dragged it and kept on dragging it....untill God interviened, and sort of help us make the step, the change in a way! It sounds weird but its true really! change is hard. -hmm .....very hard!

Time To Say GoodBye

2007-02-25T17:11:00.000Z

You used to hold and kiss me

And stirred such strong desire.

I thought you truly loved me

As you set my soul on fire.

So warm and gentle was your touch,

So tender .. your caress.

You made me want you oh so much,

You were my happiness.

You've grown cold ..

we're far apart

You've left me here alone.

There is an ache inside my heart,

A chill down to the bone.

You never touch me anymore,

You seldom speak my name.

You've lost the smile you always wore,

You've grown tired of the game.

I guess its time for me to go,

I don't feel welcome here.

I'm not important to you

so I'll simple pack my gear.

A tearful parting you'll be spared,

I won't break down and cry.

I thank you for the time we've shared,

With love I'll say good bye.

©Sharon Langan

When A Realationship Ends..

2007-02-25T17:08:00.000Z

WHEN A RELATION ENDS

"If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else".
—Marvin Gaye

Where do we get the idea that if a relationship or a marriage ends, we have somehow failed? The ending of a relationship is not a sign of personal failure. On the contrary, it is a courageous step. It is a loving gesture. It is a responsible move. It takes courage to admit when a relationship is not working. When we are locked in a relationship that is not working. When we are locked in a relationship that is not working, it can be very painful. We must love ourselves and our mates enough not to want them to stay in a situation that is causing pain. When we are willing to take personal responsibility and the necessary steps to free ourselves from the pain of a relationship, we are showing a willingness to grow. Looking at things from this perspective, how can we consider ourselves failures? There comes a time in every situation when difficult decisions must be made. Making the decisions may make us feel miserable; not to make them is what makes us miserable failures."I am not a failure. I am ending a relationship"

I'm a Bitch, Lover,Goddess,Tease...

2007-02-22T19:21:00.000Z

Some songs are fun for awhile:

we hear them, we love them, we play them on continuesly over a period of time; and then we grow bored of them. Other songs, however, latch onto our hearts and stay with us forever , so that we will enjoy them forever. Sometimes, it’s the beat that does it for us. Other times, it’s the lyrics that call out to us. And occasionally, a song will be always special because of the memories and emotions it evokes in us.

I've been thinking what my theme song is lately and I haven't been able to figure it out until I was listening to "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks. Theres so many things about me that contridict themselves about me ... well at least in MY mind. So heres the lyrics to Bitch for those of you that don't know it.

I immediately loved the song and insisted upon playing it at high volume — dancing around my room, singing like a crazy person — to my mother’s furious objections. Even then, at that age,

I recognized a bit of myself in her lyrics:

a woman cannot be labeled as this or that or even described as a little bit of this and a little bit of that, because women possess the unique ability to be something and its opposite, both at the same time.
People tell me I’m sweet, they think I’m innocent, they think I’m kind. And you know what? I can be all those things.... but I hate it when people make these assumptions because, when we label someone, we unconsciously decide what kind of person they are and how they will react in certain situations. And the problem is, I’m not always sweet or always innocent (allow me to please laugh) or always kind. I can be a bitch and I can be naughty and I can most definitely be nasty at times! But people don’t seem to get that.

I really should print out a disclaimer to be distributed to every person I meet:
Warning: Rosie is and is not what she seems. Make no assumptions, draw no conclusions, and squash all postulations.
So here we are: I am stating it for the record, I am not what you think. No woman is!!! We’re multi-layered, multi-faceted, and full of opposing characteristics.
And I know this makes us difficult to understand.

How can we be gentle, but assertive? How can we need your protection, but be so capable of fending for ourselves? How can we move, function between two opposites? Because we just can!

As the lyrics say:

I hate the world today

Youre so good to me

I know but i can't change

Tried to tell you

But you look at me

Like maybe i'm an angel underneath

Innocent and sweet

Yesterday i cried

Must have been relieved to see

The softer side

I can understand

How you'd be so confused

I dont envy you

Im a little bit of everything

All rolled into one

Chorus:

I'm a Bitch, i'm a lover

I'm a child, I'm a mother

I'm a sinner, I'm a saint

I do not feel ashamed

I'm your hell, I'm your dream

I'm nothing inbetween

You know you wouldnt want it any other way

So take me as i am

This may mean

You'll have to be a stronger man

Rest assured that

When i start to make you nervious

And I'm going through extremes

Tomarrow i will change

And today wont mean a thing

Chorus:

Just when you think,

You got me figured out

The season's already changing

I think it's cool,

You do what you do

And dont try to save me

Chorus:

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease

I'm a goddess on my knees

when you hurt,

when you suffer

I'm your angel undercover

I've been numb, im revived

Can't say I'm not alive

You know i wouldn't want it anyother way

We are angels, we are devils, we are weak, we are strong. We need you, we need no one.

We are women.

Please stop labeling us and just learn to love us.

Dont have to define happiness anymore!

2007-02-22T04:55:00.000Z

A friend of mine recently pointed out that i am far happier these days than i used to be.

I have stopped trying to be the person i thought everyone wanted me to be and have concentrated on discovering what i want to be!

When I was younger, I once asked my mother if i was happy, sure that i didn't know what "happy" felt like.

Now, having given up on defining my happiness based on the number of smiles and praises directed towards me by other people, I don't have to ask anymore.

:-)

Life Is Okay...You Know..

2007-02-21T06:17:00.000Z

Life is relatively okay, remarkably. I don't know what happened. All the agony of "being alone" has vanished!Maybe it really is better to be alone than unhappily attached... and it seems that most of my "attachments" come with an unhappy streak.... :-(
Well, whatever.... I'm genuinely happy.

Although i have to admit..., a really sad time to be living alone is when you're sick and ill in bed.
Still -- its not as bad as having an uncaring partner!
Essential is, of course, the network of friends.
okay, i could have used someone to hug and pet me and feel sorry for me that I'm so miserable... but it's okay like this.
It gets lonely sometimes.... okay, it gets lonely alot! Especially right after when there was somebodyin your life earlier...maybe for sometime also and now there is nobody!
It's hard to tell myself (and believe) that there is "nothing missing, nothing wrong here."
So.....
I started writing down five things that were great about my day before i went to bed every night; except that after about four days of doing that, i couldn't stand my own bullshit anymore, gave it up and went back where i really didn't want to go -- crying myself to sleep.
But it worked..... I guess ,feel much better now. Honestly!

I still stick to my opinion though....that..

Honest misery is much more tolerable than pretend-happiness!!!!

Changes...How time flies!

2007-02-20T05:02:00.000Z

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go.

Some people move our souls to dance.

They awaken us to new understanding

with the passing whisper of their wisdom.

Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.

They stay in our lives for awhile,

leave footprints on our hearts,

and we are never ever the same."

It's just sort of weird to think how much changed in just a couple of years.

Like where in the world has the time gone? Just a couple of years ago we were together and happy. Ok I should say happyISH. . .! Those who knew us well knew that we had some horrible times but at the same time things were not that bad either, or at least i thought they were't !

Now he's totally changed and indiffernet towards me and my feelings, almost as if like a stranger, who never knew me at all! and to think in just a few months we will probably not even remain a couple anymore....is daunting, to say the least!

Isnt it strange, how one gets used to living life in a perticular way...or get accoustomed to certain things and situations, that living it differnetly or otherwise beyond a certain point is incomprihentionable untill things and situations are actually thrown in or at your face due to various circumstances!

Life is so strange and complicated...at times..

I guess its all part of 'growingup/maturing, so that we learn to adapt ourselves to various aspects and situations in life....and toget out of our 'comfortzone'.

Learning to except the unexpected... and be happy with whatever you receive or get is what life is all about i guess.

In someways...a little unpredictability is good i guess, otherwise life would be so boring! I'm glad that life happens the way it does. You never know whats going to happen.

We just get to figure out our path and try to stay afloat it/abreast it and finally submerge with it/in it...

Just be ready to accept whatever comes our way, good or bad .....and learn to 'live in the moment', and live it to the fullest.........is the secret to real happiness, is what i turuelly feel and believe now!

We all have come on earth to learn something, i have no doubt about that; but how quickly we learn to adabt to the GOOD and the BAD, and how quickly we learn or gain something from our mistakes...so as to not repeat it again....is the answer to salvation !

For The Girls...

2007-02-19T15:40:00.000Z

DON'T MESS WITH ME

Something Interesting that cought my eye, and attention eventually, which i think every female/woman should know and understand i feel!!!!! ;-)

"If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you,nothing can make him stay."
1. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
2. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

3. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
4. Slower is better.
5. Never live your life for a man.
6. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

7. Don't settle.
8. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
9. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
10. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
11. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
12. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
13. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
14. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
15. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.
16. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or a better job.
17. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
18. Never let a man define who you are.
19. Never borrow someone else's man.
20. If he cheated WITH you, he'll cheat ON you.
21. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
22. All men are NOT dogs.
23. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
24. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
25. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

REMEMBER ME FOR.....

2007-02-19T15:38:00.000Z

Remember me for what i was
Not as i am now
I'll merge into the shadows
I'll disappear into the rain
Remember me for what i was
Not as you see me now

I'll walk out into tomorrow
I'll melt into the sun
Remember me for what i was
A glance in your directionat the right time
A smile breaking into a crescent moon
A word of reassurance

I'll protect myself
Against the cold lash of tongues and lies
I'll blend in with the crowd
I'll disperse into the stream
I'll fade into the darkness
I'll turn and walk away

Remember me for what i was
As one world breaks in two
I'll follow my own instincts
I'll forge another path
Remember me for what i was
Not what i couldn't be

Remember me for what i was
I shall never be again....

I wish i Could be with you right now papa!

2007-02-18T14:59:00.000Z

Rest And Relax Dear Papa!

2007-02-18T13:39:00.000Z

And just for today,
become a dreamer...
Enjoy life,
make it a little lighter...
Get off the fast track...
Rest and relax...
Forget about the phone, emails, faxes,
And any pending work, clients, or taxes! ...: )
Take some time to Rest and Relax,
And have a wonderful day my papa!!!

With Love ~n~ Hugs,
and lots of good wishes for a speedy recovery!
Your daughter..

Heart Within..

2007-02-18T12:50:00.001Z

How the heart does long for what is so far from it's grasp

Without reserve leading farther down this path.
I want to show my heart what dangers mark our way.

I beg my heart to rest in the shadows…

please, please let me stay.
My mind argues valiantly,

offering scars of days gone past.

My eyes weep with pains that will forever last.

Oh, to the heart that will not stop.

To the heart that knows not what it ask.

Oh, to the heart that grows each day.

To the heart that knows no other way.
Blindly it races,

unaware of the fall it just took.

Believing fairytales are not only found in books.
From down on my knees

I have picked it up,

pieces broken, shattered and torn.

A heart that is so tattered;

fit not to be worn.
A sigh of surrender,

I know that I have lost.

My heart has found reason to love and it knows no cost.
Oh, to the heart that that has no regrets.

To the heart that knows no doubt.

Oh, to the heart that knows how to soar.

To the heart that drifts no more.

by Katheran Hill

No Need For Valentine's Day...

2007-02-14T13:51:00.000Z

No need to think of what flowers

and how many to buy..

no need to hunt for a card

and to think of what to write on it..

no need to look for a present

and wonder

if he will like it..

no need to spend all that money and effort....

then why am i so sad?

2007-02-14T11:31:00.000Z

I want to..

But i won't..

Sms you..

To tell you i miss you..

But then..

I guess you can feel it too..

Can't you?

shifting through time...

2007-02-13T12:53:00.000Z

shifting through boxes

looking through the past

relationships that didn't make it

friendships that did not last

familiar names

but so many lost along the way

letters, greetingcards

they once remembered my birthday

of those who remain

we're no longer that close

the innocence of yesteryears

is but a friendly ghost

words betray us

we were supposed to stick together

but we drifted apart

even in perfect weather

but that's just life

bits and pieces we're left with

and if we retaliate

we lose our belief

every envelope recreates

another street in memory lane

even if i could turn back time

i know, nothing would have changed....!

"Something Turns To Nothing"..

2007-02-13T12:38:00.000Z

Something turns to nothing

And nothing makes you cry

There was something in that something

It's gone and you wonder why

Life can't be lived on one thing

For that one thing could be that something

So wipe those tears of nothing

For tomorrow there will be something

- Tommy Page

Guilty...

2007-02-13T12:30:00.000Z

Guilty..
for loving you when you needed it..
guilty for standing by you when you walked away..
guilty for defending you when people doubted you..
because i understand..

guilty for leaving you alone
to give you a chance to start to start life again..
because i want you to be happy..
now i stand guilty again..
of a lie you created as my truth..

do i still really know you?
but what does that matter?
freakier things have happened before..
now i'm just amused,
bemused and very much accused..

Rather...

2007-02-13T12:19:00.000Z

I think the problem is not..

"if we can still love each other"

rather..

"we are both too scared of failing again"!

Crash.

2007-02-13T12:16:00.000Z

In september,

my whole world crashed down on me..

now and then,

i thought i saw light..

but just as quickly,

darkness envelopes me..

apparently,

i am not meant to survive..

Led me to you...

2007-02-12T14:21:00.000Z

I lie in bed at night and pray,

that you will think of me.

i cry until my eyelids close,

and dream.

i wake to sunlight on my face,

for a moment i forget.

than a cloud passes by,

and i realized,

this is it.

i carry on throughout the day,

trying to find joy,

and feeling pain.

i long to gaze upon your face,

and share a smile, an embrace.

the day is drawing to an end,

and still i think of you.

i try to relax,

yet in my mind,

i wonder what to do.

i followed my heart,

which flows with the truth,

right from the start,

it led me to you.

A STORY, THAT OPENS OUR EYES!

2007-02-11T11:45:00.000Z

The Fern and the Bamboo

One day I decided to quit...

almost everything....!
my relationship, my spirituality...
I wanted to quit my life!
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said.
"Can you give me one good reason not to quit?
"His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said.
"Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds,
I took very good care of them.
I gave them light.
I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo".
He said. "In the third year,
there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.
In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed.
I would not quit." He said.
"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.
Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant.
But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots.
Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.

I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle." He said to me.

"Did you know, my child,
that all this time you have been struggling,
you have actually been growing roots.
I would not quit on the bamboo.
I will never quit on you.

Don't compare yourself to others." He said.

"The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern,
yet, they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come, "God said to me.
" You will rise high!"

"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said,

"Give me glory by rising as high as you can.

"I left the forest and brought back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.
Never regret a day in your life.
Good days give you happiness.
Bad days give you experiences.
Both are essential to life.

Keep going...
Happiness keeps you Sweet,
Trials keep you Strong,
Sorrows keep you Human,
Failures keep you humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
but Only God keeps You Going !

Trust...

2007-02-11T11:33:00.000Z

I have a big problem with trust. I want to open up but so much I fear I can't share. I have opened up before and shared private things and it only came back to bite me. I felt I have been betrayed so many times by so many people. So I find myself keeping alot of things inside, now. When I do let my guard down, I automatically get filled with regret for what have I just done? Have I said too much? Have I shared too much? I hate that regret and guilt. But much worse, I hate feeling I must keeps things to myself that I know need to let out.I am a pretty open person; so imagine what all I feel I must keep inside!

Want To Go To The Beach!

2007-02-09T15:10:00.000Z

I want to go to the beach.
I want to step into the ocean.
I want to feel sand in between my toes.
I want to feel the ocean breeze.
I want the sun to shine upon me.
I want to play in the waves.
I want to taste the salt water on my lips.
I will even tolerate the salt burning my eyes.
I want to watch the sun set over the water.
I want to see the seagulls fly by.
I want to smell the scent of the sea.
I want to get sand in my swimsuit.
I want to go so badly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More On A True Friend/Friendship.

2007-02-07T15:43:00.000Z

I wish....!!!

2007-02-07T15:38:00.000Z

How I wish there is a 24hr friend.
That could give me advice on whatever doubts I have,

on whatever problems that I have and will encounter, in the future.
To give me moral support no matter what I am doing, or going through,

To be there to listen to me, support me,comfort and protect me..

With whome i can basically pour my heart out to, yet have the comfert and knowledge that i would not be judged, ridiculed or looked down upon!

Saying... "On/ about a Woman"... [love what this says!]

2007-02-07T15:01:00.000Z

Thought this saying is awesome.............so wanted to share this with the world!

This is written in the Hebrew Talmud,

the book
where all of the sayings and preaching
of Rabbis are conserved over time.

It says:

"Be very careful if you make a woman cry,
because God counts her tears.

The woman came out of
a man's rib.

Not from his feet to be walked on.

Not from his head to be superior,

but from the side
to be equal.

Under the arm to be protected,
and next to the heart to be loved."

Quote

2007-02-07T14:57:00.000Z

"I am only one, but I am one.
I cannot do everything,
but I can do something.
And what I can do,that I ought to do.
And what I ought to do,
by God's grace I shall do."

Expressed by Edward Everett Hale
Selected by Douglas Pagels

My Mask..

2007-02-07T14:45:00.000Z

This smile that I wear,

it can be deceiving.

Little do you know what I am feeling inside.

I can mask what is really going on underneath.

I don't want to wear this mask,

but sometimes
it's easier.

Easier to just keep it all inside.
I am a truthful person.

So sometimes I feel
I am lying by not revealing what is there.
I also think that if I let it out,

the reality of it
will set in.

Do I want to face it?
I guess not.
Not yet.
I don't feel it's healthy to keep it bottled up.
But that's what I do knowing one day it
will surface.
Until then I wear my mask
and try to hide it.
Some days are much easier
than others.
One day my mask will no longer
be able to cover it any longer.
I know I will not
be able to stand to wear
the awful mask anymore.

HIDE AND SEEK

2007-02-07T14:37:00.000Z

Ever feel that you
can't be
who you really are?
Ever feel that you must
conceal
the person you really are?
Sometimes I feel I am in
disguise.
I want to be me and not pretend.
I am my only obstacle.
Until I can let go,
Until I can be comfortable,
I hide
so much of myself.

Inspirational Quote of the Day...

2007-02-05T04:51:00.000Z

Something along the same lines again

Every event, every situation in which you might find yourself has a positive value, even the dramas, even the tragedies, even the thunderbolt from a calm sky.

-Arnaud Desjardins

What meakes you alive?

2007-02-02T19:29:00.000Z

Don't ask yourself what the world needs.
Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that,
because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
- Gil Bailie

As I'm going through a difficult time where I'm asking the world and God what I should be doing with my life, this quote is like rain upon my parched mind. I'm searching everywhere for an answer and maybe I already know what I should be doing. There are things I'm aware of that make me come alive, that are just so exciting for me. singing and my passion for music is one of those things.I believe God has given us all unique desires, things we can do that no one else could do as well because they wouldn't approach the task with as much vigor, with as much enthusiasm. So maybe that's what's important in life, to do that which makes you come alive, the task at which you continually want to strive at, in the relentless pursuit of ever-elusive perfection.What task makes you come alive as you strive to do it as best as you possibly can?

IT SHALL PASS......!

2007-02-02T18:54:00.000Z

Expect to have hope rekindled.
Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways.
The dry seasons in life do not last.
The spring rains will come again.
- Sarah Ban Breathnach

This too in time shall pass.
We all have to face our share of sorrows and suffering,and learn to bear with it, accept it, realize it and become aware that ...............'Bad events', or experiences in our lives, are followed by something 'good' at the end!
There is always light at the end of a dark tunnel; nothing lasts forever, similarly the problems, difficulties and bad phase of your life.........TOO SHALL PASS!!!!

I personally believe, we are brought on this earth, or rather our souls choose the life and bosy it wishes to lead......so that we learn something out of it, or suring that lifetime.............hopefully becomming more and more aware of things, expanding our consciencess so that , 'oneday' we will Become 'Enlightened' and reach our salvation.....and merge with the greater source and energy; from where we originally came from or was created from!!! And hence the soul/spirit/energy would not need to take a physical form again!

okay maybe i am going more towards the phylosophical side of things....but i say it , because i truelly believe in it...........therefore would like to share it with the world at large, and specially because..................

Someone very dear and close to me is going through an especially hard time, and I think it's hard for him to see that, though he's in a time of much transition, everything will work out. I can see, from a more objective perspective, that all this change is going to lead to some wonderful things in his life very soon. What's important though is that he see that. It's so important to hold on to hope. Without it, there is only despair and dejection.

On the Subject of Hope..

2007-02-02T18:51:00.000Z

Though no one can go back and make a new start,
anyone can start from now and make a brand new end.
- Carl Bard

I really, really like this quote! It's not over until you say it's over.

Makes Complete Sense...!

2007-02-02T18:30:00.000Z

The one thing I have realized though, from a lot of talking with my parents and others, that marriage or a long term relationship is all about compromise.
I don't know if talking about marriage is stretching the subject but in the end it's not about a connection. I've always been obsessed with finding this connection with the other person.
But in the end it's about MAKING a relationship WORK. Which is hard WORK. (Sorry for the all caps)
Anyway, I think it's about firstly knowing yourself really well. You have to know who you are before you can truly know who you want to spend the rest of your life with.

At the end Of The day....

2007-02-02T18:24:00.000Z

At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done.We will be judged by "I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat, I was naked and you clothed me, I was homeless, and you took me in."Hungry not only for bread - but hungry for love. Naked not only for clothing - but naked of human dignity and respect. Homeless not only for want of a home of bricks - but homeless because of rejection. - Mother Teresa

I love the last part. It's not as simple as giving a man food when he's hungry, a jacket when he's cold, or shelter when he has nowhere to go. There are deeper-rooted issues to tackle, and though I don't quite know how to go about working to eliminate callousness, indignity, and rejection, I do know it's our responsibility to strive, without ceasing, for that goal.Maybe if each of us did our part where we are to love, to respect, and to accept without condition, this wouldn't seem to be such an unreasonable objective.

Judging Others.....[lesson to Learn!]

2007-02-01T18:42:00.000Z

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.Why do you look at the speck of saw dust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.

Beauty frozen in time.

2007-01-27T06:27:00.000Z

“Love is something eternal;
the aspect may change,
but not the essence.” - Vincent van Gogh

A flower may blossom, wither,
And then die
without anyone
Ever seeing or knowing it’s
Beauty...

But the artist can look at
The flower and freeze it
inTime –
Paint it onto canvas
To live a thousand life times

And a thousand generations
Will look upon the flower
And see the beauty it had
To offer
A beauty that once-

Blossomed, withered,
And died a long time ago....
And maybe some will say
To their selves –

I wonder what

The artist was thinking of-
As she froze a moment inTime –
and painted eternity

PARTING.......

2007-01-26T19:44:00.001Z

We've been happy,dearest,You and I
I have to go, but wont say goodbye
For in that place thats free from ill,
We'll meet again, i know we will

This parting now we have to bear
Be brave my love and dont despair
I'll be only just a breath away
Every hour, of every day

Our eyes won't meet or fingers won't touch
But strength of love is such
That we'll reach out into beyond
To keep our loving precious bond.

It doesnt matter, today,tomarrow
For i know there will be sorrow
But that day will come, we'll be together
Eternally that nothing can sever.

GoodBye......

2007-01-25T22:24:00.000Z

It took a lot longer than it probably should have --
but it's finally happened
I'm done.
The day has come to an end;
the sun is over my head --
my .............husband/companion got me in a mess of trouble again.
But no more.
No more empty smiles.
No more time wasted wondering.

Just when you think that you're alright
I'm calling out from the inside

I never heard anyone
I never listen at all..

It's not that I don't think you're appealing or chariming and attractive to me anymore,because we both know that I do.
Your eyes are still huge and so expressive, like a baby's!
your smile magnetic.

But you don't see me the way that I wish you would,
and for whatever reason it's finally dawning on me that you never really will!
In all the years we have been together and known each other i kept hoping to get a response from you sometimes, anytime!
But........you were always too busy , in your own world to notice me!
MAybe you just took me for granted ....
who knows?
I believe that you are honestly glad to see me,
sometimes
But more and more I think it's because of the fact that i am your son's mother or simply because you married me and we had sort of a relationship for nine years.......; instead of any sort of interest in who I am as an individual.

Not that you aren't capable of it, not that there weren't things we could have shared -- but that more and more the obvious has become clear, and there's just no room for anything else.
It's a strange thing to say and I wish it weren't the case --
but this is where you belong, this is how you are, and always will be.

Almost as if for some reason that I'll never understand,
this is where and how you want to be, and remain.

There is something about the personality involved, that I just don't bring, and frankly never want to learn.

Just stay away from people whome you might think have your best interests at heart but........probably have caused you more damage,harm,heartacke and suffering than u could have ever predicted or imagineg for the long run!

I can only advice you, try to guide you, but can and never will push you to do something against your will!
I would much rather you use your own itellect and brains, rather than being a football of other people's opinions, specially when it comes to your personal life situations and matters!

At the end all i can say is.................................
You can't save someone who doesn't want to be rescued ,any more than you can open a cage door and expect the tiger to just come walking out!

I never heard anyone
I never listen at all.

You can only be grateful for the time you've spent in the cage together.

Goodbye, my beloved, my husband....hope you can move on now; put the bad memories, and past behind and pick up the pieces of your heart and start afresh!
I will always be there for you whenever you need me, or even a shoulder to cryon! I will always think of you and love you the way i have always....and wish you no harm ever!

I sincearly hope we can start a new relationship from now on, called "friendship" and base it on total trust , loyalty and devotion this time!
Hear it for the last time......

your Shui.

BACK AGAIN TO THE BLOGGING WORLD!

2007-01-24T03:47:00.000Z

I have been away from my online community/home for sometime now, as have had alot to deal with in my personal life; these past four months of my dissapearance;

From dealing with my child being taken away from me, without my knowledge and concent ......to dealing and still going through a custody battle, to now talks , that have moved from seperation to a complete divorce, and the settlement issues that go with it [uckkhh hate all his!] !!!!!!

Im telling you i have been through hell and back! My whole life seems uprooted and adrift sometimes. But outof the chaos i do feel that despite all the pain and suffering , it has not all been totally negative!
There have been times when i have realized how much my internal spirit has "Grown" through the bitterness, to a place where i can take the blows and everything that comes my way, but not respond likewise.
I feel pity and a sense of forgiveness towards those who wish to harm me, and in this i feel lies my salvation.

If it wasnt for my personal" Guru", "master", "guide" and true "mentor" in life...... poojya/beloved Guruji's { Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji} influence in my life, i honestly dont know what i would have done, or how i would have coped with life altering experiences n events and having to make probably the most difficult decisions till date in my life!!!!!
By his Holiness's grace i am admist all the mess,ugliness, and heartackes still able to gather enough strength from within to open my eyes to a new morning everyday!
Sometimes........i feel God tries to send us messeges, unfortunatly through pain and suffering.... that .... we should not forget who we really are [which is a beautiful spirit, soul,part of God himself!] and remember our source, where we have actually come from etc, and get centered.....when we lose our way or start to take life and all things for granted!

Fortunatly through some yoga practices, breathing excersises [developed by guruji] where you increase your 'prana' level; meditations and listening to many many discourses on various topics on and about life, By Guruji himself, either live or via vedio cds, or through the 'Art of living' channel on the world space sattalite radio..............; i have fortunatly been able to view and see life from a broader perspective now; and it has given me tremendous strength and courage from within.......

where now despite going through pain and suffering, despite being in the midst of all the chaos and horrows one can face....i am able to rise above it....and be able to have compassion for the other.................and honestly, all this would not have been possible without the presence of "Guruji" in my life and the beautiful and wonderful people i have met and made friends with , throughout and during my various courses......on 'AOL' and throughout this journey and selfdiscovery; the 'art of living family' now that i have become a part of for life!

Today i can calm my mind, when my very next day is full of uncertanties! Where my whole life is one big question mark itself!

And all this is all due to the soiritual experiences....i have gained. Although i feel very very sad and cry often not just for myself but for the very people who have caused and given me this immense pain and suffering....
i know that alot has to do with your 'Karma' also! Some things can be changed and are in our hands......but beyond a certain point......you just have to "let go" and surrenderto the divine! Which is what i am doing now....

Let God, nature, universe,cosmoss, divine consciencess .............call it whatever..............take care of it!

At the end..............i pray to God, Guruji..............to please ease the pain for my still loved and dear ones.........[my husband, his family] everyone really !who are also suffering...........and going through immense stress and tormoil........due to everything that has happened and taken place, willingly or unwillingly, consciensly or unconsciensly.....LAst but definatly not the least , for all of this to not let it effect our child, and damage his[right now] fragile psyce, in anyway!

As this is our main concern and worry as being responsible parents...!

Please dear God, i know whatever has to happen will happen; yet i pray that it doesnt hurt or damage anyone so that we are not able to rise above it and grow or gain something from it! I donot want anyone to loose! I want all of us to come out of it as WINNERS!!!!

Please help those who donot and cannot see what they are doing, those who cannot understand.........why etc....! Pls dear merciful God, make it easy for all of us; and expand our consiences so that.......we are better able to sail through life's difficulties.........with a smile instead of a frown...!

Amen.

JAI GURUDEV!!!

TWO...

2007-01-23T15:20:00.000Z

Here in the air of X and O,
I pass right through yes and no.
My soul travels alone
on a path into the unknown.
Sing to me a song
of lovers whose destiny is one.
Wanting, waiting lifelong...
My song is over and just begun.

Desires..........Liberation....

2006-12-30T16:15:00.000Z

When the Buddha walked upon this earth, many were the questions that people addressed to him. Sometimes,these queries ranged on the side of the absurd; somewere unanswerable.
Why did God create the world? Were we ever one with Him? If so, how did we get separatedfrom Him? And so they went on.
These were the days of abstract, philosophical speculation. People discussed endlessly, little realizing that they had no bearing on reality. What is more, they brought these futile queries to the Buddha,be seeching him to give them answers to thesequestions.

The Buddha once narrated a story to these abstract thinkers in reply to their queries.

There was a man whose house caught fire in the middle of the night. All the neighbours rushed to his help.“Get out of the house,” they cried to him. “Let usquench the flames.”But the man replied, “I will not leave the house untilI get the answers to a few pressing questions. Whatcaused the fire? What is the intensity of the flames?What are the chemical constituents of the fire? UntilI find answers to all these queries, I will not leavethis house. The Buddha said to his interlocutors, “Your house ison fire, and you want to ask futile questions. What you must do is to quench the flames first?”

Each one of us is trapped in the flames of endless desires. Instead of seeking abstract solutions, we should seek liberation!

My Dream of Dreams!

2006-12-28T21:48:00.000Z

I want to look into your eyes
And never look away.
I want to hold your hand
And never let go.
I want to feel your sweet kiss
And never stop kissing.
I want to feel your embrace
And never part ways.
I want to feel safe in your arms
And never leave.
I want to walk beside you
And never feel lost.
I want to hear your voice
And never stop listening.
I want to hear your laughter
And never stop.
I want to ease your pain
And never have it return.
I want to share your passion
And keep it burning bright.
I want to see your smile
And hope it’s just for me.
I want to give you my heart
And always have yours.
I want to tell you my dreams
And know they’re coming true –
With you, my dream of dreams.